Joke #13355

Q: How many Californians does it take to change a lightbulb? A: 10, 1 to change the bulb and 9 to share the experience.

A passenger piled his luggage on the scale at an airline counter in New York and said to the ticket agent: "I'm flying to Los Angeles. I want the large bag sent to Denver and the two small ones to Cincinnati." "I'm sorry sir, but we can't do that," said the ticket agent. "That's good to hear because that's where they ended up the last time I flew this route."

Q: How many telemarketers does it take to change a light-bulb? A: Only one, but she has to do it while you're eating dinner.

It's so quiet in the Hollywood Starbucks this morning, you can hear a name drop.

A man called, furious about an Orlando, Florida, vacation package we had booked for him: He was expecting an ocean-view hotel room. I explained that was not possible since Orlando is in the middle of the state. "Don't lie to me," he said. "I looked on the map, and Florida is a very thin state."

A woman called the Colorado State Division of Wildlife regarding a snake in her backyard. "Can you tell me what kind it is?" she asked. "Can you describe it?" I asked. "Yes," she said. "It's long and thin."

How many Wall Street protesters does it take to change a light bulb? None, they can't change a thing.

Q: How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb? A: We can see no need for uninstallation and have therefore made no provision for light bulbs to be removed.

Q: Why is the camel called the ship of the desert? A: Because it's full of Arab semen.

Q: What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb? A: You can unscrew a light bulb.

The following is supposedly a true story relating a situation that actually occurred in Los Angeles. The Marines were backing-up LAPD on a call that someone had broken into a store. At the scene, the cop told the Marines to "cover" him as he approached the store (to police, "cover" means to point your weapons in the direction of the threat, to Marines it means to lay down a base of fire!). The Marines promptly laid down a base of the fire. The Marines fired 178 rounds before they stopped shooting. The thief, probably a little scared at this point, called 911 and reported, "They're shooting at me!"