How long does it take Chuck Norris to get to Asia? 2 months... How does he get there? He walks.
There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life.
Chuck Norris once climbed Mt. Everest in 15 minutes, 14 of which he was building a snowman at the bottom.
Chuck Norris went to the virgin islands. Now they are pregnant.
While vacationing in France, Chuck Norris went out for a casual bike ride and accidentally won the Tour de France.
Chuck Norris doesn't travel at the speed of light, light travels at the speed of Chuck Norris!
A few guys tried to follow Chuck Norris during a light workout while he was vacationing in Hawaii. It's now called the Ironman Triathlon.
These two guys had just gotten divorces and they swore they would never have anything to do with women again. They were best friends and they decided to move up to Alaska as far north as they could go and never look at a woman again. They got up there and went into a trader’s store and told him, "Give us enough supplies to last two men for one year." The trader got the gear together and on top of each one’s supplies he laid a board with a hole in it with fur around the hole. The guys said "What’s that board for?" The trader said, "Well, where you’re going there are no women and you might need this." They said "No way! We’ve sworn off women for life!" The trader said, "Well. take the boards with you, and if you don’t use them. I’ll refund your money next year." "Okay," they said and left. Next year this guy came into the trader’s store and said "Give me enough supplies to last one man for one year." The trader said, "Weren’t you in here last year with a partner?" "Yeah" said the guy. "Where is he?" asked the trader. "I shot him" said the guy. "Why?" "I caught him in bed with my board."
When Chuck Norris crosses the pacific, swimming, sharks hear the "Jaws" music.
Chuck Norris put his phone on air-plane mode and flew it.