My mother has painted a picture with such cold colours that if I want to take a look at it closely, I must have an anorak, the gloves, the winter cap and a scarf on, not to freeze.
Similar jokes
See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes.
Q: Why shouldn't girls wear skirts in winter?
A: Because their lips will get chapped!
Q: What does Frosty's wife put on her face at night?
A: Cold cream!
Q: Why are there only snow men and not snow women?
A: Because only men are dumb enough to stand out in the snow without a coat.
Three men stranded on an island.
They were walking across the sand when they came across a magic lamp; they rubbed the lamp and out came a genie.
The genie said "you have three wishes but make it quick."
So they thought about what they were going to wish for.
The one man said, "I wish I was at home with my family."
So the genie said your wish is my command, and he was gone, then the second man said
"I wish I was in the pub with my mates."
So he was gone.
The last man said, "I am lonely and I want my friends back."
Vote:
A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his parents, "How was I born?"
‘Well honey...' said the slightly prudish parent,
"An Angel brought you to us."
"Oh," said the boy.
"Well, how did you and daddy get born?" he asked.
"Oh, the angel brought us too."
"Well how were grandpa and grandma born?" he persisted.
"Well darling, the angel brought them too!" said the parent.
Several days later, the boy handed in his paper to the teacher who read with confusion the opening sentence:
"This report has been very difficult to write because there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations."
Kid: "Mom, am I ugly?"
Mom: "I told you not to call me mom in public."
What did E.T.'s mother say to him when he got home?
"Where on Earth have you been?!"
After a long day of winter sporting, we headed back to the ski lodge.
As it was small, a cramped place to stay, we decided it was most fitting to sleep in the same bed.
Myself in the middle and my two friends either side of me.
In the middle of the night, the guy on the right woke up and said, "I have had a dream where I was given the best handjob ever!"
A few minutes later, the guy on my left woke up and said: "I have had a dream that I was given the best handjob ever!"
I replied, "well that's funny... I thought I was skiing."
Q: What do you throw to a drowning black man?
A: The rest of his family.
Vote: