What did E.T.'s mother say to him when he got home?
"Where on Earth have you been?!"
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Q: What is the chemical formula for "banana"?
A: BaNa2
I've 3 aunts and 4 uncles in any ceremony of wedding they mention me : "oh , Bill you are enough grown up , the next time will be your turn."
I also in payoff on funeral days tell them: "Woo you are enough old I hope next time would be your turn!"
Saying the same thing over and over again but expecting different results is called parenting.
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A dick has a sad life.
His hair's a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor's an asshole, his bestfriend's a pussy, and his owner beats him.
If you look back far enough in your family tree, Chuck Norris appears at least three times.
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Q: What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?
A: One molar solution.
Q: Why do Java programmers have to wear glasses?
A: Because they don't C#.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.
"Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"
The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
Knock-knock.
Who's there?
To.
To who?
No, to whom.
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Half dressed redneck couple sitting on a couch watching the news on TV with man's arm around the woman.
The man says "Lookit them homo-sekshuls a ruining the sanctity of our institution.
"We oughta go to San Francisco just to show them liberals that marriage means one man, one woman. "
"Right, Darlin."
The woman replies, "That's right, Daddy."
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