What did E.T.'s mother say to him when he got home? "Where on Earth have you been?!"
Q: Why did the computer go to the dentist? A: Because it had Bluetooth.
Q: What's the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist? A: The genealogist checks the family tree and the gynecologist checks the family bush.
Two students talk: "What are you reading?" "Quantum physics theory book." "But why are you reading it upside-down?" "It makes no difference anyway."
It was entertainment night at the Senior Center. Claude the hypnotist exclaimed: "I'm here to put you into a trance; I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience." The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat. "I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. It's been in my family for six generations" He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch..." The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs eyes followed the swaying watch, until, suddenly, it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces. "SH*T!" said the Hypnotist. It took three days to clean up the Senior Center.
Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here." Helium doesn't react.
Q: What do computers and air conditions have in common? A: They're both become useless when you open windows.
I took my wife's family out for biscuits and tea. They weren't very happy about having to donate blood though.
A proton and a neutron are walking down the street. The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it." The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
One day Mullah was beating his donkey in a remote place. A man saw him and asked: why are you beating the poor animal. Sorry, said Mullah, is it a member of your family?
Q: What's object-oriented way to become wealthy? A: Inheritance.