What did E.T.'s mother say to him when he got home? "Where on Earth have you been?!"
Once a teacher asked one of her students to memorize the numbers from 1-10. And that night when he was memorizing he saw his mother drinking 7up, so the next day the teacher asked the student to say the numbers that he memorized so he replied," 1-2-3-4-5-6-8-9-10". The teacher was confused so she asked the student," Where is the 7" so he said," my mom drank it last night!"
Q: What should you put on the tomb stone of a mathematician? A: He didn't count with this...
In my village, it is not usual, ordinary, even normal that somebody would go to work. Even though there is one person in our village who goes to work on a regular basis. In the morning when he goes to work the whole village accompanies him, men, women, children, grannies and grandpas and in the evening when he goes back from work the whole village welcomes him back. We all are smiling at him and we are waving at him with the bunches of purple lilac flowers for example during this period of time, April, May.
Hide a seek champion... ; Since 1958
A black family of four, hears about a magical river that can turn them white if they swim across so they go and the dad and mom swim across, and they come out white, the daughter jumps in and swims across and she turn white, so the son trys to swim but the current takes him and the little girl goes up to dad and says, ‘daddy daddy Philip just got taken by the current' and the dad says, "Oh, forget that nigger."
Q: Why do accountants make good lovers? A: They're great with figures.
Q: What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car? A: He was booked for a salt and battery.
Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here." Helium doesn't react.
Q: What did the elf say was the first step in using a Christmas computer? A: "First, YULE LOGon"!
Little Johnny returns from school and says: "Mam, in school we write dirty swear-words so often!" "But I hope you are not writing them, my son." "No, I'm dictating them!"