Q: Why do hipsters love ice?
A: Because ice was water before it was cool.
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Chuck Norris cannot love, he can only not kill.
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I'm so hipster, even I've never heard of my favorite band.
Q: What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?
A: Polar Bond.
"I'll never find the right guy," I heard the young guest at the wedding shower sigh.
"Don't give up," urged an older woman. "Every pot has a lid."
"Or," a cynical voice behind her offered, "you could just be a skillet."
Happy Father's Day to someone who knew long before me that all the boys I brought home were jerks.
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A wife send her husband an sms on a cold winter evening: "Windows frozen".
The husband send answer back: "Pour some warm water over them".
Some time later husband receives answer from his wife: "The computer is completely fucked now".
Q: Why are farmers cooler than Hipsters?
A: Farmers can go a day without their Pitchfork
Q: Why are there only snow men and not snow women?
A: Because only men are dumb enough to stand out in the snow without a coat.
Q: How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: You wouldn't know, it's kind of an obscure number.
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A guy dies whilst making love to his wife.
A few days later the undertaker calls her and says, "Your husband still has a hard-on, what shall I do with it?"
The wife replies, "Cut it off and shove it up his arse!"
The undertaker does as he is told.
On the day of the funeral the wife visits her husband for the last time and sees a tear rolling down his face, so she whispers in his ear, "It fucking hurts doesn't it!"