Q: What do New Year's Parades have in common with Santa Claus?
A: No one is awake to see either of them.
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Q: Why did Santa's helper see the doctor?
A: Because he had low "elf" esteem!
Chuck starts the new year by roundhouse kicking the old one.
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Thanksgiving is the day men start getting in shape... to play Santa Claus.
Q: What do you tell someone you didn't see at New Year's Eve?
A: I haven't seen you for a year!
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Q: Once there was the tooth fairy, Santa Claus, Easter bunny, a smart blonde and a dumb blonde they were walking down the road when they saw a $100 dollars bill who gets it??
A: No one the first four doesn't exist and the other blonde thought it was a gum wrapper!
If your born in September, its pretty safe to assume your parents started out the New Year with a Bang!
A drunk man comes inside a bar and says, "Happy New Year everybody." and the waiter says, "We are in June you drunk man."
And the drunk man says, "Oh my god my wife is going to kill me I have never been so late in my life!"
Four-year-old to her two-year-old sister: "Let's play Christmas. I'll be Santa Claus and you can be a present and I'll give you away."
Santa Clause doesn't watch you sleep but Chuck Norris does.
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