Joke #9670

Chuck starts the new year by roundhouse kicking the old one.
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Chuck Norris won more Olympic medals than the hole world... Including himself.
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Chuck Norris's tombstone will say, "He's finally taking a nap, do not wake."
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Chuck Norris knows how to kill you in more ways than you know how to die.
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Chuck Norris invented his own brand of media disc. The Black and Blueray.
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Some say Chuck once sneezed a rhino inside out.
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Chuck Norris' pager is still cool.
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You don't have to wait until midnight to see my balls drop.
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Just got out of prison after attacking a man on New years eve. Excuse me for getting nervous while an Arab was counting down from ten.
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New Year's Resolutions for Internet Junkies... I will try to figure out why I *really* need 9 e-mail addresses. I will stop sending e-mail to my wife (husband). I resolve to work with neglected children -- my own. I will answer my snail mail with the same enthusiasm with which I answer my e-mail. I will stop sending e-mail, ICQ, Instant Messages and be on the phone at the same time with the same person. I resolve to back up my 12GB hard drive daily...well, once a week... okay, monthly then...or maybe... I will spend less than one hour a day on the Internet. This, of course, will be hard to estimate since I'm not a clock watcher. When I hear "Where do you want to go today?" I will not reply "MS Tech Support." When I hear a funny joke I will not reply, "LOL... LOL!" I will read the manual... just as soon as I can find it. I will think of a password other than "password." I will stop checking my e-mail at 3:00 in the morning... 4:30 is much more practical. I resolve... I resolve to... I resolve to, uh... I resolve to, uh, get my, er... I resolve to, uh, get my, er, off-line work done, too!
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A Senator in the USA was once asked about his attitude toward whisky. "If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I'm against it. But if you mean the elixir of a New Year toast, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I'm for it. This is my position, and I will not compromise."
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More jokes about: alcohol, money, new year, political, tax