Chuck starts the new year by roundhouse kicking the old one.
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A blind man ran into Chuck Norris and got his sight back.
Unfortunately, the first and last thing he saw was a roundhouse kick to the face.
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When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
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Chuck Norris is in every action film ever made but sometimes he only shows up as EXPLOSIONS.
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Chuck Norris is the reason why This Little Piggy cried wee wee wee all the way home.
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A drunk man comes inside a bar and says, "Happy New Year everybody." and the waiter says, "We are in June you drunk man."
And the drunk man says, "Oh my god my wife is going to kill me I have never been so late in my life!"
If your born in September, its pretty safe to assume your parents started out the New Year with a Bang!
A Senator in the USA was once asked about his attitude toward whisky.
"If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I'm against it.
But if you mean the elixir of a New Year toast, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I'm for it.
This is my position, and I will not compromise."
Q: What do New Year's Parades have in common with Santa Claus?
A: No one is awake to see either of them.
Chuck Norris does not masturbate, because there is no greater pleasure than being Chuck Norris.
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Stonehenge was made by Chuck Norris stacking blocks as a baby.
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