Chuck starts the new year by roundhouse kicking the old one.
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This woman walks into a tattoo parlor and asks for a tattoo of a christmas tree on her right inner thigh and a cocktail drink on her left inner thigh.
The tatoo artist say thats an unusual request. "Why do you want two tattoos there?"
So she says "Because my husband needs to eat between christmas and new years."
Originally it was called 'Chuck Norris Mode' but he decided to let god have that one because Chuck Norris is humble like that.
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Q: What does it mean if you were born in September?
A: That your parents started the new year with a bang!
The reason Tom Cruise runs in all his movies is because he's running the hell away from Chuck Norris.
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A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.
On New Year's Eve, Marilyn stood up in the local pub and said that it was time to get ready.
At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband to be standing next to the one person who made his life worth living.
Well, it was kind of embarrassing.
As the clock struck, the bartender was almost crushed to death.
Chuck Norris was asked if he would be running for President, after a chuckle, he stated, nothing makes him run.
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Chuck Norris once climbed Mt. Everest in 15 minutes, 14 of which he was building a snowman at the bottom.
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Chuck Norris got a flame and froze it.
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