Chuck starts the new year by roundhouse kicking the old one.
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A Senator in the USA was once asked about his attitude toward whisky.
"If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I'm against it.
But if you mean the elixir of a New Year toast, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I'm for it.
This is my position, and I will not compromise."
Mortal Kombat was originally called 'Ways Chuck Norris Can Kill You'.
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My new year's resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full with either rum, vodka, or whiskey.
One day Chuck Norris went into Wal Mart.
The clerk told him to have a nice day.
The next day the clerk was found dead.
The police asked Chuck Norris if he killed her and he said yes so they asked him why.
He said " Nobody tells Chuck Norris what to do"
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Ring out the old, ring in the new,
Ring, happy bells, across the snow:
The year is going, let him go;
Ring out the false, ring in the true.
Chuck Norris used to date Hurricane Katrina.
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Chuck Norris puts the 'laughter' in 'manslaughter'.
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New Year's Resolutions for Internet Junkies...
I will try to figure out why I *really* need 9 e-mail addresses.
I will stop sending e-mail to my wife (husband).
I resolve to work with neglected children -- my own.
I will answer my snail mail with the same enthusiasm with which I answer my e-mail.
I will stop sending e-mail, ICQ, Instant Messages and be on the phone at the same time with the same person.
I resolve to back up my 12GB hard drive daily...well, once a week... okay, monthly then...or maybe...
I will spend less than one hour a day on the Internet. This, of course, will be hard
to estimate since I'm not a clock watcher.
When I hear "Where do you want to go today?" I will not reply "MS Tech Support."
When I hear a funny joke I will not reply, "LOL... LOL!"
I will read the manual... just as soon as I can find it.
I will think of a password other than "password."
I will stop checking my e-mail at 3:00 in the morning... 4:30 is much more practical.
I resolve... I resolve to... I resolve to, uh... I resolve to, uh, get my, er...
I resolve to, uh, get my, er, off-line work done, too!
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Charles isn't in charge.
Chuck is!
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Chuck Norris donated his heart to a hospital... twice.
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