Joke #11583

A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.
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has 75.00 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: new year, time

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On New Year's Eve, Marilyn stood up in the local pub and said that it was time to get ready. At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband to be standing next to the one person who made his life worth living. Well, it was kind of embarrassing. As the clock struck, the bartender was almost crushed to death.
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has 80.43 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: bar, bartender, life, new year, time
Q: What does it mean if you were born in September? A: That your parents started the new year with a bang!
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has 78.13 % from 55 votes. More jokes about: birthday, dirty, new year, sex, time
Q: What's the forecast for New Year's Eve? A: Mostly drunk with a slight chance of passing out.
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has 67.88 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: drunk, new year, time
Q: What do you tell someone you didn't see at New Year's Eve? A: I haven't seen you for a year!
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has 41.91 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: black humor, new year, time
A hippie walks on a bus and sees a nun. Being the straight forward kind of guy he is, he says "Hey baby, want to have sex?" The nun says "God no!" so she gets off the bus angry. When the hippie is about to get off the bus, the bus driver asks him "Hey man. you see that graveyard across the street?" The hippie go's "yeah I see it, what about it?" "well every Tuesday night at 8:30. the nun go's to the top of the hill to pray. If you dress up as a ghost, and tell her to have sex with you, she'll have too" The hippie replied "sweet!" So Tuesday night comes and the hippie has a ghost costume, 8:30 comes and here comes the nun. The hippie pops out and says "I am the ghost of a man buried here, and I command you to have sex with me!" The nun go's "Well... ok, but I have a virgins aspect so it has to be oral" So the nun and the hippie have oral sex and the hippie runs away and says "Ha, ha I was actually the hippie" and the nun said "Ha, ha I'm actually the bus driver!"
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has 36.25 % from 155 votes. More jokes about: gay, sex, time
Bro, send me some good jokes. Sorry, now I'm busy with my Girlfriend. Good One! Send me more.
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has 72.63 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: friendship, insulting, love, relationship, time
An elderly couple was just settled down for bed when the old man realized he left the lights on in the greenhouse in the back yard. Then they heard voices. Three men had broken into the greenhouse. Scared, they called the police. The dispatcher replied, he would send an officer as soon as one became available as they were all out on calls. The old man waited for a few minutes and called Dispatch again. He told Dispatch, "Don't worry about sending an officer, I shot the robbers and now the dogs are eating their bodies!" In no time at all, police were all over the place and captured the robbers red-handed! One of the cops asked the old man, "I thought you said you shot the robber and your dogs were eating them. " The old man replied, "I thought you said, there weren't any officers available."
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has 85.15 % from 798 votes. More jokes about: animal, cop, death, time
My New Years resolution is 1080p.
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has 66.71 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: new year, technology
Last year Chuck Norris won the prize for best float at the Carnival in Rio simply by walking in the parade wearing his cowboy hat.
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has 61.63 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, cowboy, time
A drunk man comes inside a bar and says, "Happy New Year everybody." and the waiter says, "We are in June you drunk man." And the drunk man says, "Oh my god my wife is going to kill me I have never been so late in my life!"
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has 65.86 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, drunk, new year, wife