Joke #13408

Wanna hear a pencil joke? Ugh, nevermind, it's pointless.

When asked for his name by the coffee shop clerk, my brother-in-law answered, "Marc, with a C." Minutes later, he was handed his coffee with his name written on the side: Cark.

A piece of sandpaper walks into a bar. The bartender says "What will it be?" The sandpaper goes "Just something to take the edge off"

I spotted several pairs of men's Levi's at a garage sale. They were sizes 30, 31, and 32, but I was looking for size 33. So I asked the owner if he had a pair. He shook his head. "I'm still wearing the 33s," he said. "Come back next year."

Q: What do you call fake spaghetti? A: "I'm pasta."

Q: What do you call a black man on the internet? A: The dark web.

"I'm sorry for throwing red wine over all your dresses in the wardrobe last night," I told my girlfriend. "I've spent all day getting the stains out just to show how much you mean to me." "Oh, that's really nice," she said. "What did you use to remove the stains?" "Scissors," I replied.

There were 3 people on a boat, Chuck Norris, Jesus, and the Penelope, Jesus said "I bet I can walk across the water." He did, Chuck Norris tried, he did, the Penelope said "They did it that means I do it." , He tried, he sank, Jesus said: "Should I have told him about the rocks?" Chuck Norris said "What rocks?"

A man and woman were on their first date. The woman was trying to make conversation and said, "So I hear you hunt deer." The man looked away and turned red. "What's wrong?" asked the woman. "I'm not used to someone calling me dear on the first date," the man said.

When you have a question you check with Google. When Google has a question they check with Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris has a question everybody better run!

A woman noticed her husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. "Ha­­! That's not going to help," she said. "Sure, it does," he said. "It's the only way I can see the numbers."