I see you ordered the most expensive item on the menu for our first date.
I hope you realize that it comes with a side order of my dick.
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A young man and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town.
They were about to have sex when the girl stopped.
“I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I’m actually a hooker and I charge $20 for sex.”
The man reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing.
After a cigarette, the man just sat in the driver’s seat looking out the window.
“Why aren’t we going anywhere?” asked the girl.
“Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I’m actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $25…”
Dating a stripper is like eating a noisy bag of chips in church... everyone looks at you in disgust, but deep down inside they want some too.
A sexology professor announced that if any man over 50 eats 2 or 3 dates with a raw garlic clove he never fails in sex problems.
This prescription makes his dick strong and heathy.
There is only one side effect.
That diet causes he blows many farts daily!
Wanna go on an 'ate' with me? I'll give you the 'D' later.
A young man walks into a bar and orders a Kamikaze.
As soon as he is severed he slams it down.
And before the bartender can walk away he calls out I need a shot of Tequila.
So the bat tender pours the tequila.
And no sooner than he is server he slam it back and then the young man asks for a shot of Gin.
The bar tender compiles with the request, and out of curiosity asks the young man are you celebrating?
The young man nods, and says quietly mt first blow job.
The bartender smiles and says I remember my first.
The young man looks up and says so how did you get rid of that taste?
It's 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date, Peggy Sue.
Peggy Sue's father answers the door and invites him in.
He asks Bobby what they're planning to do on the date.
Bobby politely responds that they'll probably just go to the malt shop or to a drive-in movie.
Peggy Sue's father suggests, "Why don't you kids go out and screw? I hear all of the kids are doing it."
Bobby is shocked. "Excuse me, sir?"
"Oh yes, Peggy Sue really likes to screw. She'll screw all night if we let her."
Peggy Sue comes downstairs and announces that she's ready to go.
About 20 minutes later, a thoroughly disheveled Peggy Sue rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her, and screams at her father, "Dad! The Twist! It's called the Twist!"
A girl walks into a grocery store and asks the stock boy if he has any nuts.
The guy says, "No, ma'am."
She says, "Well, do you have any dates?"
And he says, "Ma'am, if I don't have nuts, do you really expect me to have dates?"
An elderly couple in their 80's were going to Florida.
At the border, the customs officer asks where they were going.
The wife says "what did he say".
The husband turns to the wife and says the customs officer wants to know where we are going.
He then tells the officer that we are going to Florida.
The customs officer now asks how long they were going to Florida for.
The wife says "what did he say".
The husband turns to the wife and says the customs officer wants to know how long we are going to Florida for.
The husband tells the officer that they were going for 2 months.
The customs officer then asks where they were coming from.
The wife says "what did he say".
The husband turns to his wife and says the customs officer wants to know where we were coming from.
The husband tells the officer that they were from Hamilton.
The customs officer thinks for a minute and tells the husband that he had dated a lady from Hamilton and she was the worst piece of ass he ever had.
The wife says "what did he say".
The husband turns to his wife and says "He thinks he knows you".
Vote:
Teacher: "Who can tell a story?"
Little Johnny: "Our maid's ass."
Teacher: "Why?"
Little Johnny: "Last night daddy touched her ass and was whispering: 'A wonderful story.'"