A business man called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China.
After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him he needed a visa.
"Oh no I don't, I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those."
I double checked, and sure enough, his stay required a visa.
When I told him this he said, "Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express."
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Living on earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip around the sun.
Yo momma so fat she could go to the desert and sells shade.
Patient to his doctor: "I have forgotten so many things lately, and it's getting worse. What can I do?"
Doctor: "Yes, this is a known illness, unfortunately it has no cure. I'd also like to remind you about the 800 USD that you owe me?"
Happy Father's Day!
I got you a present but if you want to get technical then technically you bought it.
By the way, can I borrow $20?
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Yo mamas so poor she traded her car for gas money.
In order to help jump-start the U.S. economy, the INS has announced that this year they will stop focusing on illegal aliens, and begin the deportation of retired people.
It's predicted that this will not only help lower health care entitlement costs, but it turns out that retirees are much easier to catch.
Plus, they rarely can remember how to get back home.
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After my wife and her former best buddy, another Air Force wife, were separated by a move that posted one husband on the opposite coast, the telephone became their chief means of communication.
When our phone bills showed astronomical increases, the other spouse and I sought relief.
Since we both owned computers, we encourage our wives to use electronic mail.
Now they call on the phone to let each other know that e-mail was sent, then call back to confirm that it arrived and have a conversation about the contents.
Yo' Mama is so poor, when you ring her doorbell, she sticks her head out the window and yells, "DING DONG!"
My uncle is very mean.
I went round the other day and found him stripping the wallpaper.
He wasn’t redecorating, he was moving.
A fine is a tax for doing wrong.
A tax is a fine for doing well.
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