Joke #2710

The banker fell overboard from a friend's sailboat. The friend grabbed a life preserver, held it up, not knowing if the banker could swim, and shouted, "Can you float alone?" "Obviously," the banker replied, "but this is a heck of a time to talk business."

I married my wife for her money. And believe me, I’ve earned it.

The proprietor of an adult store steps out to run a few errands and leaves his employee in charge. A woman comes in and wants to purchase a dildo. She looks at the shelf behind the register. "How much for the white one?" "$10." "How much for the black one?" "$20." She buys the white one. A little later , another woman comes in and also wants to buy a dildo. After asking the clerk for prices, she decides on the black one. A third lady comes in for a dildo. She checks the price of the white one , the black one and asks about the plaid one. She makes her purchase and leaves.The proprietor returns and asks how things went. "Great! I sold a white one, a black one, and I got thirty buck for your thermos!"

Our house was so small if we got a large pizza we had to go outside to eat it.

A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money. The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, “Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel. “I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents. “The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I’d accumulated a fortune of $1.37.” “And that’s how you built an empire?” the boy asked. “Heavens, no!” the man replied. “Then my wife’s father died and left us two million dollars.”

I bought a lottery ticket. My son asked me: "Dady if your ticket wins $100,000 what will you do?" I replied: "A travel to Europe, drink best and most expensive wines, making sex by the most beautiful actress and so on." He again asked: "If unfortunately, your ticket didn't win what would be your action?" I angrily gazed him then I told him: "I don't move here, drink some booze and beer; fuck your mother."

Johnny collected lots of money from trick or treating and he went to the candy store to buy some chocolate. ' You should give that money to charity,' said the shopkeeper. 'No, I'll buy the chocolate. You give the money to charity!'

Q: How many corporate attorneys does it take to change a light bulb? A: Who knows, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.

Yo' Mama is like a bus: she's big, she stinks, and it's only a dollar to ride.

Chuck Norris doesn't worry about high gas prices. His vehicles run on fear.

I bought a Jewish sports car. Not only will it stop on a dime, it will pick it up too. I've heard they're gas guzzlers though.