Q: Why don't kleptomaniacs get puns?
A: Because they take things. Literally.
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Similar jokes
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Q: What happened when the owl lost his voice?
A: He didn't give a hoot!
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Q: What's the nickname for someone who put their right hand in the mouth of a T-Rex?
A: Lefty.
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A man gets the words 'I love you' tattoed to his penis.
He goes home and shows his wife. His wife says, "Don't try to put words into my mouth!"
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Q: What do you call a sleeping dinosaur?
A: A dino-snore!
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Nothing makes me more suspicious than an unsolicited compliment.
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Me: "I love you."
You: "Is that you or the wine talking?"
Me: "It's me talking to the wine."
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The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick.
She still isn't talking to me.
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Little Johnny was watching TV with his mother.
Johnny: "Why is this tampon commercial so long?"
Mother: "This is my favorite show called 90210."
Johnny: ...
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Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Spell.
Spell who?
W-H-O.
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Q: What did one vegan say to the other vegan?
A: We have to stop meating like this.
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