Joke #13903

Q: Why don't kleptomaniacs get puns? A: Because they take things. Literally.

Innkeeper: "The room is $15. a night. It's $5. if you make your own bed." Guest: "I'll make my own bed." Innkeeper: "Good. I'll get you some nails and wood."

Q: Why don't you ask Yoda for money? A: He is always a little to short.

Q: What do you call a sleeping dinosaur? A: A dino-snore!

Q: What is astronauts favorite game in space? A: Moonopoly.

The preacher, in his Sunday sermon, used "Forgive Your Enemies" as his subject. After a long sermon, he asked how many were willing to forgive their enemies. About half held up their hands. Not satisfied he harangued for another twenty minutes and repeated his question. This time he received a response of about 80 percent. Still unsatisfied, he lectured for another 15 minutes and repeated his question. With all thoughts now on Sunday dinner, all responded except one elderly lady in the rear. "Mrs. Jones, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?" "I don't have any." "Mrs. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?" "Ninety three." "Mrs. Jones, please come down in front and tell the congregation how a person can live to be ninety-three, and not have an enemy in the world." The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, very slowly turned around and said: "It's easy, I just outlived the bitches."

I am currently out of the office at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Please be prepared for my mood.

Chuck Norris wanted more dialogue for his next movie. It was too short for release.

My friend thinks that onion is the only fruit that can make us cry. So I just threw the coconut up to his head, he cried then.

The only time the word incorrectly isn't spelled incorrectly is when it's spelled incorrectly.

Q: What do you call a pig who knows karate? A: Pork Chop.