Why are a sorority girl and a tampon similar? They are both stuck up cunts.
What does Michael Jackson call a Tickle-Me-Elmo doll? Bait!
How do you embarrass an archaeologist? Give him a used tampon and ask him what period it came from.
Q. What do you call two lesbians with their period? A. Finger painting.
Q: What did the Lawyer say to the lesbian? A: One slip of the tongue and you will be in s**t!
What's green and eats nuts? Syphilis.
A guy walks into a store. He goes up to the clerk and holds up his hand. In his hand he's holding a big pile of crap. He looks at the clerk with the biggest expression of relief and says, "Whew, that was close. Look what I almost stepped in."
What do you give Mikey for his 18th birthday? A 90 year old woman, because Mikey will eat anything.
A man goes to the doctor about the size if his penis. He says to the doctor "My penis is too small." Doctor gives the man some medicine, says "Drink this everytime you bump into something your penis will grow an inch." So the man thanks the doctor and leaves. He drinks the medicine on his way home he bumps into a lampot so his penis grew an inch. Just a little further down the road he bumps into an Indian guy. A thousand apologies, he penis grows one thousand inches, baffled by his extra long penis he decides to paint it red, hite and blue, and wrapped it round his neck, he decides to go to the cinema, he was watching a dirty movie, sat on the top of the row of seats, all of a sudden this voice comes on the speaker. "Can the man with the red white and blue scarf stop chucking ice cream to the people below?"
The bartender looks a little worried, but asks him what would he like. "A cup of boiled water please" "Water? I thought you guys drank blood" "Today I was in the mood for tea", says the vampire while taking out a tampon.
Q: What do parsley and pubic hair have in common? A: You push them both aside when you eat.