Why do babies have a soft spot in their heads?
So you can pick them up five at a time
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What's the definition of bravery?
A man with diarrhea chancing a fart!
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Once upon a time, there was a very happy, long-married couple who ran a small farm.
They loved each other and all, there was just one problem – the guy farted incredibly, and enjoyed ripping seriously loud ones in bed especially.
The wife complained for years, pleaded – in vain.
"One day, you'll spill your guts out, you mark my words!" was the lady's frequent closing warning.
Then one Thanksgiving morning, gutting the turkey, she had a stroke of genius.
She took all the turkey's guts and went to their bedroom and quietly slipped them under the still sleeping man's covers.
"That'll teach him!" she thought with satisfaction and went back to her work.
At 10 the man was still nowhere to be seen – quite shocking for a farmer – and she was starting to worry when finally her husband came down – walking a little strange, wearing an even stranger expression.
"You were right about the farting, Ida," he panted, "I'm ashamed to admit that I did fart my guts out. But with the help of our Lord and these two fingers, all is right again!"
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What is special about a dead baby over all other forms of life?
You can achieve deep throat from whichever way you enter.
What does the cannibal do just after he dumped his girlfriend?
Wiped his ass.
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Birdie, birdie in the sky
Dropped some white stuff in my eye,
I'm a big girl I won't cry,
I'm just glad that cows don't fly.
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Q: What's the ultimate rejection?
A: When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep.
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Q: What did the maxi pad say to the fart?
A: You are the wind beneath my wings.
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Two men work in a mortuary.
One says to another, "You should see that woman they brought in today.
She'd been in the water for a week.
Her clit was like a pickle."
"Ew!" says the other fellow.
"It was green?"
"No, it was sour!"
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One roomate said to another, “Man, this morning I woke up with white crud around my mouth!”
The other roomate said, “Oh, that's my fault, I guess I missed!”
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Q: What is worse than ten dead people in one trashcan?
A: One dead person in ten trashcans!
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