Joke #13969

Insurance never covers you against damage sustained by Chuck Norris, as it's classed as an Act of God!
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has 30.80 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, Chuck Norris, god, money

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A little boy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened. Then he decided to write a letter to the Lord requesting the $100. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to the Lord, USA, they decided to send it to President Clinton. The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill, as this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy. The little boy was delighted with the $5.00, and sat down to write a thank-you note to the Lord. It said: Dear Lord, Thank you very much for sending me the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington, DC and as usual, those jerks deducted $95.
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has 84.99 % from 703 votes. More jokes about: god, money, political, tax
A barber gave a haircut to a priest one day. The priest tried to pay for the haircut, but the barber refused, saying, “you do God’s work.” The next morning the barber found a dozen bibles at the door to his shop. A policeman came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused to pay, saying, “you protect the public.” The next morning the barber found a dozen doughnuts at the door to his shop. A lawyer came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused payment, saying, “you serve the justice system.” The next morning the barber found a dozen lawyers waiting for a free haircut.
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has 84.15 % from 169 votes. More jokes about: god, lawyer, money, priest, work
Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.
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has 84.14 % from 989 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, Chuck Norris
A couple young, entrepreneurial prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on the top of their car that read: "Two Prostitutes – $50.00." A police officer, seeing the sign, pulled the ladies over and advised that they will have to remove the sign or go to jail. Right about that time a minivan passed by with a sign on the side of it that read: "Jesus Saves." "How come you don’t stop them?" asked one of the girls. "Well, that’s a little different," the officer replied… "their sign pertains to religion." The two ladies of the night pouted a bit, but they took their sign down and drove off peacefully. The following day the same police officer was running radar when he noticed the same two young ladies driving around with another sign on their car. Figuring he had an easy arrest, he flipped his lights on and began to catch up when he noticed the what the new sign read: "Two Fallen Angels Seeking Peter – $50.00."
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has 80.35 % from 153 votes. More jokes about: cop, couple, god, money, prison
Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
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has 80.12 % from 474 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, Chuck Norris, game
Voldemort refers to Chuck Norris as "You Know Who."
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has 79.06 % from 351 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, Chuck Norris
Arnold Schwarzenegger always says he'll be back. But Chuck Norris always handles things the first time
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has 78.69 % from 146 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, Chuck Norris
If you rate this kickass, then Chuck Norris WILL roundhouse kick Justin Bieber's ass.
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has 78.66 % from 2176 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, Chuck Norris, music
An airplane was about to crash. There were 4 passengers on board but only 3 parachutes. The 1st passenger said, "I am Stephen King , the best selling author of my time... My millions of fans need me , and i can't afford to die." So he took the 1st pack and left the planernThe 2nd passenger , Barack Hussein Obama, said , "I am the 44th President of the United States, and I am the smartest President in American history , so my people don't want me to die." He took the 2nd pack and jumped out of the plane.rnThe 3rd passenger, the Pope, said to the 4th passenger, a 10 year old schoolboy, "My son , I am old and don't have many years left, you have more years ahead so I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last parachute." The little boy said , "That's okay , Your Holiness, there's a parachute left for you. America's smartest President took my schoolbag."
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has 78.30 % from 242 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, death, money, stupid, time
Leonardo DiCaprio had to ask permission from Chuck Norris to say the famous line "I'm the king of the world."
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has 77.88 % from 156 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, Chuck Norris