Joke #14010

The four most beautiful words in our common language: I told you so.

I posted a blonde joke on facebook accompanied by: "for my blonde friends... an apology". One of them responded. "You don't have to apologise for having blonde friends."

Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.

On the first day of the deer hunting season, a hunter fell out of a deer stand and broke both his legs. "Why couldn't this happen on my last day of hunting?!" the hunter cried to the doctor. "It did," the doctor replied.

Son: "Mommy why doesn't Gandhi have hair?" Mom: "Because he never lies." Son: "Ohh now I see why ladies have long hair."

While I was working as a store Santa, a boy asked me for an electric train set. "If you get your train," I told him, "your dad is going to want to play with it too. Is that all right?" The boy became very quiet. So, moving the conversation along, I asked, "What else would you like Santa to bring you?" He promptly replied, "Another train."

A woman called the Colorado State Division of Wildlife regarding a snake in her backyard. "Can you tell me what kind it is?" she asked. "Can you describe it?" I asked. "Yes," she said. "It's long and thin."

My friend to me "I don't understand why Chuck Norris is the butt of so many jokes." Me to the friend "Well he does kick a lot of them."

A race of aliens visits earth one day; they come in peace and surprisingly, they speak English. Obviously all of the heads of government and religious leaders want to speak to the aliens so they set up a meeting with our new visitors. When it's the pope's turn, he asks: "Do you know about our lord and savior Jesus Christ?" "You mean J.C?", responds the alien. "yeah we know him he's the greatest isn't he? He swings by every year to make sure that we are doing ok". Surprised, the pope follows up with "He visits every year?! It's been over 2 millenia and we're still waiting for his SECOND coming!" The alien sees that the pope has become irate at this fact and starts trying to rationalize "Maybe he likes our chocolate better than yours?" The pope retorts "Chocolates? What are you talking about? What does that have to do with anything?" The alien says "Yea, when he FIRST visited our planet we gave him a huge box of chocolates. Why? What did you guys do?"

Q: What do you call black people in a swimming pool? A: Coco puffs. Q: What do u call mexicans in the swimming pool? A: Reeces puffs reeces puffs!

Chuck Norris wanted more dialogue for his next movie. It was too short for release.