The four most beautiful words in our common language: I told you so.
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A builder was once building a fence to surround a farmer's sheep.
The builder finished, and the farmer was ready to pay.
The builder then came up to the farmer and said: "Sir, I hope this isn't too a-fenc-ive.
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Honestly, Officer, I wouldn't have pulled over had I known you were just going to criticize me.
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Your mama's so fat she asked for a water bed and we threw a blanket on the ocean.
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Yo mama is so stupid that when a teacher told the class nobody is perfect, he replied, "I want to become nobody!"
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Drunk guy gets pulled over.
Officer starts doing sobriety tests on him.
The final test the officer says "if you can pass this last test I will let u go... use the words green pink and yellow in 1 sentence."
So the drunk man replies "My phone went green and I pinked it up and said yellow. Have a nice day officer!"
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Two men were talking:
First : "Can U put the word 'penis' in a sentence?"
Second: "Yo mama's pussy."
In 2011 someone asked Chuck Norris if he had ever been to Portugal.
He answered: "Where?"
The country went bankrupt.
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Joke has 47.02 % from 84 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, communication, geography, money, travel
Tom and Timothy were in the same regiment in the army.
They were inseparable friends and spent their evenings drinking together.
After retirement, they went to different states and settled.
However, they kept correspondence through letters and e-mails.
To keep the memory of their boozing bouts alive, Tom always filled two glasses with rum and water and sipped from each alternately!
When somebody asked him why he did so, he explained: "This glass is Timothy's; this one is mine. So I take a sip from each - one on behalf of Timothy, the other for myself."
Suddenly one evening Tom was seen with only one glass on his table.
He was asked what had happened.
He replied, "You see, I have given up drinking but Timothy has written that he has not. So I have put away my glass and drink only on behalf of my friend."
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Joke has 80.13 % from 92 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, communication, friendship, military, old people
A professor and a doctor both love the same girl.
Each one tries to get rid of the other.
Once, it so happened that the professor had travel out of the country for a week.
Before leaving, he gave his girlfriend seven apples and asked her to eat one every day while he was not there.
When asked why, he replied,"Because an apple a day keeps the doctor away."
Q: What do you get if you cross a parrot with a shark?
A: A bird that will talk your ear off!
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