Joke #14010

The four most beautiful words in our common language: I told you so.
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has 64.28 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: communication

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Every time I say that I'm ready to order in a restaurant, what I really mean is that I'm not ready but the panic will help me make a decision.
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has 74.21 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: communication, food, time
The wife and I had come to town to pick up a few things. We came out of one store and saw a cop writing a ticket for illegal parking right in front of us on the curb. So we asked him nicely to give a couple of retirees a break. But he paid us no attention and kept writing. Just loud enough for him to hear, my wife said, "What a Bozo." The cop looked up, stared at my wife, then started writing out another ticket. I said, "Honey, this guy probably just learned to read and write, and he's so proud of himself, he's showing off." The cop tore off the 2nd ticket and started on a third. We kept making comments and he kept writing tickets till he was up to about half a dozen. Finally, glaring at us, the cop left, and we walked on down the street. We didn't care about the tickets. We always take the bus into town, and anyway, that car was one of those obnoxious Hummers. Being retired, we always try to find ways to keep ourselves amused. We feel it's important.
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has 73.79 % from 135 votes. More jokes about: communication, cop, mean, old people, vulgar
Yo' Mama got one eye and one leg. We call her IHOP.
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has 71.12 % from 118 votes. More jokes about: communication, insulting, Yo mama
The therapist asked my wife why she wanted to end our marriage. She said she hated all the constant Star Wars puns. I look at the therapist and said, "Divorce is strong with this one!"
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has 53.69 % from 54 votes. More jokes about: communication, divorce, marriage, wife
I play the worlds most dangerous sport. I disagree with my wife.
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has 82.95 % from 108 votes. More jokes about: communication, marriage, mean, sport, wife
On the day of my big job interview I woke up late. Frantically I threw on a suit. "OH NO!" I thought. "MY TIE! My Dad was out of town and wasn't there to help me, and for the life of me, I did not know how to tie a tie!" I grabbed a tie and ran out the door. "Excuse me sir," I said to the crossing guard, "I have an important job interview, can you please help me make this tie?!" "Sure," said the guard, "just lie down on this bench." Well if someone was going to help me I wasn't going to ask any questions. After he finished and the tie looked good I just had to ask why I had to lie down. "Well in my previous job I learned how to tie ties on other people when they were lying down." he replied. "What was your previous job?" I asked incredulously. "I ran a morgue." was the reply.
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has 80.95 % from 115 votes. More jokes about: black humor, communication, death, time, work
My friend's father died last night so I asked him "What was the cause of his father's death?" He said, "A bus passed over his finger!" I laughed and told him: "It is not a suitable cause." My friend said: "When the bus crashed, his finger was on his nose!"
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has 79.94 % from 345 votes. More jokes about: black humor, communication, death, friendship, travel
When teacher entered the class little Jonny slowly said: "Sir excuse me; your zipper is open." So the teacher thanked him and fastened his zipper. He went near little Jonny and told him: "My dear it would better to say: the office door is open." Next day when the teacher entered the class, unfortunately, his zipper was again open! Little Jonny loudly shouted: "Not only the office door is open but also the teacher is at the door and two small students are beside him."
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has 79.24 % from 221 votes. More jokes about: communication, kids, little Johnny, teacher
I posted a blonde joke on facebook accompanied by: "for my blonde friends... an apology". One of them responded. "You don't have to apologise for having blonde friends."
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has 51.25 % from 101 votes. More jokes about: blonde, communication, Facebook, friendship, stupid
Q: What do you call a bunch of black people running up a hill? A: Backed up sewage.
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has 31.97 % from 57 votes. More jokes about: black people, communication, racist