Q: What is fast and crunchy?
A: A rocket chip.
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At recent trade talks the American representative offered to sell sophisticated American telephone technology to the Russians.
American : "In the United States, anyone can pick up any phone and dial 9-1-1.
This will record the call and connect them with the police."
Russian : "In Russia we don't require that you dial anything."
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Yo mama so fat the only pictures you have of her are satellite pictures.
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Why do men need instant replay on TV sports?
Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.
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Chuck Norris invented 1080p so people could see his beard is made of razor wire.
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My girlfriend has incredible sexual skills.
I almost had a heart attack when I saw the video!
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Scene: A radio newsroom.
Caller: "I just wanted to let you know you're off the air."
Host: "Yes, we know. The engineers are working on it."
Caller: "It would be nice if you put something on the air that says that."
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Yo momma is so fat when she walked by the TV i missed 3 episodes!
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Autocorrect can kiss my ask!
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Two guys were in a bar, and they were both watching the television when the news came on.
It showed a guy on a bridge who was about to jump, obviously suicidal.
"I'll bet you $10 he'll jump," said the first guy. "Bet you $10 he won't," said the second guy.
Then, the guy on the television closed his eyes and threw himself off the bridge.
The second guy hands the first guy the money.
"I can't take your money," said the first guy.
"I cheated you.
The same story was on the five o'clock news."
"No, no. Take it," said the second guy.
"I saw the five o'clock news too.
I just didn't think the guy was dumb enough to jump again!"
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"And so, God came forth and proclaimed widescreen is the best"
Sony 16:9
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