Joke #14176

I've been taking Viagra for my sunburn. It doesn't cure it but it keeps the bed sheets off my legs at night.

Q: Did you hear about the new Viagra eye-drops? A: Apparently they make you look hard.

Chuck Norris once caught the Ebola virus, it's been on the run ever since.

Q: How did the first man die from using Viagra? A: The tablet got stuck in his throat and he died from a stiff neck.

An elderly black man goes to see his doctor for help with his sexual performance issues. The doctor explains that Viagra isn't going to work this time. The man goes back to the doctor a month later for a follow-up. This time he is wearing a new tuxedo, shined shoes, and a top-hat. The doctor is impressed and asks what the occasion is. The old man says, "If I'm gonna be impotent I'm gonna look impotent!"

Q: What do you get when you mix chocolate and Viagra? A: Oooh - Henry!

A child walks into a whore house with a dead frog on a string trailing behind him. He makes his way up to the counter and says to the person behind such named counter to give him the most diseased woman you have. She looks down at him for a few moments and replies “I’m sorry but I don’t think I can help you….If you would like, we have this young petite thing that could be just what your looking for.” The child puts a 50 dollar bill on the table and repeats “I want the most diseased woman you have.” She looks down at the bill and hesitates but she says to him “I can’t, but we have this nice grandmotherly type for you to cuddle and snuggle up to.” The child looking irritated slams down another 50 dollar bill insisting that she give him the most diseased woman they have. A few moments go by and finally the lady agrees and tells him to go to room 114 and wait a few moments. As he goes up the stairs the dead frog on a string follows right behind him, hitting every step on the way. Half an hour go by and the child comes down the stairs with the dead frog trailing behind. As he is just about to step out the door and back outside the woman behind the counter stops him. “Excuse me, but I have on question before you go…what is the dead frog for? Turning around the child has a look of pure sencerity as he begins to explain. “I wanted the disease so I could give it to my sister, who would give it to my dad, who would give it to my mom, who would give it to the mail man…And that’s the Son of a Bitch who ran over my pet frog.”

Breaking news: A man was admitted to the hospital today with 23 plastic toy horses inserted in his rectum. Doctors have described his condition as stable.

Did you hear about the man who spent too much of his company's money on Viagra? Now he's hard up.

An 80-year-old man tells his wife, "I'm going to the doctor to get me some of those new Viagra pills." His wife gets her coat on and says, "I'm going to the doctor, too. If you're going to start using that rusty old thing again, I'm getting a tetanus shot."

The retired man goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, I ache all over. Everywhere I touch it hurts." The doctor replies, "OK. Touch your elbow." The guy touches his elbow and winces in genuine pain. The doctor, surprised, then states, "Touch your head." The guy touches his head and jumps in agony. The doctor asks him to touch his knee and the same thing happens. Everywhere the guy touches he hurts like hell. The doctor is stumped and orders a complete examination with X-rays, etc. and tells the guy to come back in two days. Two days later the guy comes back and the doctor declares, "We've found your problem." "Oh yeah? What is it?" asks the retiree. The Doctor remarks, "You've broken your finger!"