I've been taking Viagra for my sunburn.
It doesn't cure it but it keeps the bed sheets off my legs at night.
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Q: Did you hear about the new Viagra eye-drops?
A: Apparently they make you look hard.
Yo mama's so stupid she studied for blood test and failed.
You are in my heart, you are in my blood, you are in all my body.
Alas, my doc says: "You are a parasite!"
Q: What happens when a lawyer takes Viagra?
A: He gets taller.
Mary, a horny and sexy 23 year old and a handsome, single, sexy doctor Matt have an appointment together.
Doctor: Well what's your problem madam?
Mary: Well, there's something wrong with my tongue.
Doctor: What's wrong with it?
Mary: Examine it and you'll see.
Doctor: Why don't you just-
Mary: EXAMINE IT!
Doctor: Fine. (Starts examining tongue, confused as there is nothing wrong with it.)
Mary: (Suddenly pushes tongue into Matt's mouth)
Doctor: (Pulls out tongue, furiously) Oh, so that's what's wrong with your tongue, eh? It's wanting sex. I see. I can fix that. (Goes to lock door, and rips off all of his clothes) Now your turn.
Mary: Wow. I should have just asked.
Doctor: (Starts to plunge in and out his dick from Mary's pussy.) Do you wanna make it more enjoyable?
Mary: (Moaning and groaning sexually) Ooooooh yes.... Baby..... Yes....
Doctor: Ooooooh it feels SOOO good. (Starts to moan and groan sexually, he suddenly cums)
Mary: Aaaaah a baby, fuck me more!
Doctor: (Goes on top of Mary) I'm fucking you as hard as I can!
When the session is finished, Mary wants to tell Matt something.
Mary: That was great. But do you know why you got so aroused before?
Doctors: Yes. It was very strange, I was not horny before.
Mary: My tongue had viagra powder on it. That's why I put my tongue in your mouth.
Q: Why did the gay man take two aspirin with his Viagra?
A: So sex wouldn't be such a pain in the arse.
An elderly black man goes to see his doctor for help with his sexual performance issues.
The doctor explains that Viagra isn't going to work this time.
The man goes back to the doctor a month later for a follow-up.
This time he is wearing a new tuxedo, shined shoes, and a top-hat.
The doctor is impressed and asks what the occasion is.
The old man says, "If I'm gonna be impotent I'm gonna look impotent!"
Vote:
I enjoy a glass of wine each night for its health benefits.
The other glasses are for my witty comebacks and my flawless dance moves.
Q: How did the medical community come up with the term "PMS"?
A: "Mad Cow Disease" was already taken.