What is the worst combination of illnesses?
Alzheimer's and diarrhea. You're running, but can't remember where.
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Q: What did the deaf, blind, mute girl get for Christmas?
A: Cancer.
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A man returns to the U.S. from Africa feeling very ill.
He goes to see his doctor, and is immediately rushed to the hospital, to undergo a barrage of extensive tests.
The man wakes up after the tests in a private room at the hospital, and the phone by his bed rings.
“This is your doctor. We’ve had the results back from your tests and we’ve found you have an extremely nasty virus, which is extremely contagious!”
“Oh my gosh,” cries the man. He’s in a panic now. “What are you going to do, doctor?”
“Well we’re going to put you on a diet of pizzas, pancakes, and pita bread.”
“Will that cure me?” asked the man hopefully.
The doctor replied, “Well no, but … it’s the only food we can get under the door.”
Chuck Norris once went to Stevie Wonders concerts and smiled at him; Stevie Wonder is now blind.
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Did you know Chuck Norris's tears was the curernto Cansa, but the problem was he never ever cried.
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Chuck Norris is the reason why Professor X is on a wheelchair.
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Q: What is the first symptom of AIDS?
A: A sharp pain in the ass.
Girl: "I can't be your valentine for medical reasons."
Boy: "Really?"
Girl: "Yeah, you make me sick!"
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Q. Why is it okay for dumb blonde's to catch cold?
A. They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out.
Q: Did you hear about the new Viagra eye-drops?
A: Apparently they make you look hard.
A Marine was going in for his physical.
He had celebrated his 45th birthday that weekend.
After taking all the tests, the blood other fluids.
He was now waiting for the DR. in an office on the table in a paper outfit.
The DR came in.
After looking over all the notes, the Marine was asked if he had an active sex life.
Straight-faced, the Marine answered. "Yes, Sir.'
Asked how often, the Marine thought, "I cannot honestly answer that question, Sir."
Turning to look at the Marine he was asked, "Why not?"
Smiling the Marine stated. "One of the samples that were needed, I asked for some assistance. A nice Lady came in to help me. Would that count?"
The DR. signed the paperwork.
Walked out of the office saying, "Get dressed. You're fine."