Joke #14199

What is the worst combination of illnesses? Alzheimer's and diarrhea. You're running, but can't remember where.

Doctor to Patient: "Don’t worry about your heart. It will function as long as you live."

A kid once tried to scare Chuck Norris on Halloween... sadly he has had the hiccups now for 40 years.

The best thing about Alzheimer's Disease is that you get to meet so many new people.

How do you know Charles Sweeney was dyslexic? He wanted to order the flaming saganagi, but he accidentally ordered a flaming Nagasaki.

Obama's health care plan won't cover injuries caused by a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to the face. Nobody would survive anyway.

If you carefully examine your health insurance policy, you will see that there is no cover for "Chuck Norris related incidents".

So this retarded blind couple just lives in Guantanamo Bay. The prison warden told us soon these little fishies would grow gills. So we have been feeding our fishies since 911 they all been fed really well. In our daily water events until I told my wife, "there is a problem these fish haven't grown any gills." So we told the Warden and he laughed he said: "you know what you've been doing since 911 the blind couple relied on what!" The warden replied, "well you've been waterboarding convicted isis terrorists!" The blind couple said, "what happens to the fishes?" The warden replied, "well they are dead of course!"

My late grandfather always told me: "When there is a wind in your belly blow it out gently you feel a real comfort then look at the other's faces to see what are their reactions."

What do cows get when they are sick? Hay Fever.

A father tells his son to stop jacking off. "You'll go blind if you do that too much!" he says. The son says "uh, I'm over here dad."