I never wanted to believe my brother was stealing from his job as a road worker.
But when I got home, all the signs were there.
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As an infant, Chuck Norris' parents gave him a toy hammer.
He gave the world Stonehenge.
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Why are black people & vending machines the same?
Because they both don't work & they both steal your money.
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Chuck Norris is so tough, that he doesn't get a workout from the weights,they get a workout from him.
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I'm not usually one to tell someone how to do their job, which is probably why my promotion to management only lasted a week.
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Chuck Norris had his first job as a paperboy.
"There were no survivors."
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There's a rumor that Steve Jobs, has been a Buddhist, has been reincarnated as a factory worker on a sweatshop assembly line in China.
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A man comes home from work to find his wife sliding down the banister.
"What are you doing?" he asks.
"Warming up your dinner."
Q: Why are lawyers never attacked by sharks?
A: Professional courtesy.
Q: Who makes the best detective - Sherlock Holmes or a tax accountant?
A: The tax accountant - she make's more deductions.
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There's no wine holder on this vacuum cleaner.
It's like it wasn't even designed for women.
How can I be expected to work under these conditions?
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