Joke #14250

I never wanted to believe my brother was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.

A white guy walks into a bar and asked a black guy for a bl*w job. The black guy beat him up and threw him out of the bar. The bartender then asked, "What did he say to you? The black guy responded I don't know all I heard is something about a job!!

An old seamstress is slowly walking back to her job from lunch, when a flasher jumps out of an alley and opens his coat wide. The old woman looks him up and down, shakes her head sadly, and says "You call that a lining?"

A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he's allowed to say two words every seven years. After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words. "Cold floors," he says. They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him back in and ask for his two words. He clears his throats and says, "Bad food." They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him in for his two words. "I quit," he says. "That's not surprising," the elders say. "You've done nothing but complain since you got here."

After 40 years of hard work, a man retired with $5,000,000.00 which he had gained through courage, diligence, initiative, skill, devotion to duty, thrift, efficiency, shrewd investment. And the death of an uncle who left him $4,999,999.50.

I remember my guidance counselor. The guy studied for years for his job, and deepest thing he ever said to me was, "You have your whole life ahead of you."

Not everyone that Chuck Norris is mad at gets killed. Some get away. They are called astronauts.

"Mommy," Little Johnny asked, "do all fairy tales begin with 'Once upon a time'?" "No, dear," she replied. "Sometimes they start with 'Darling, I'll be working late at the office tonight...'"

Why are black people & vending machines the same? Because they both don't work & they both steal your money.

Gilding the lily is a job seeker's birthright. Here are a few doozies, where the applicant claimed: - to be a former CEO of the company to which he was applying. - to be fluent in two languages—one of which was pig Latin. - to be a Nobel Prize winner. - to have worked in a jail when he was really in there serving time. - he was fired "on accident."

Me "Hi! Welcome to McDonald's! Can I take your Mcorder?" Boss "You don't have to put Mc in front of everything." Me "Oh okay. Hi! Welcome to Donalds! Can I take your order?" Boss "Get out."