Chuck Norris had his first job as a paperboy. "There were no survivors."
The only sure things are Death and Taxes…and when Chuck Norris goes to work for the IRS, they'll be the same thing.
Chuck Norris can paint himself into a corner and still get the job done.
At the age of 17, Chuck Norris was fired from his job in a car factory because he roundhouse-kicked a car in half.
If Chuck Norris ever opened a restaurant, the only thing on the menu would be knuckle sandwiches and eye of roundhouse steaks.
Chuck Norris does Rachel Marron's work.
Chuck Norris wins every political campaign, but politely declines the jobs.
Chuck Norris is so tough, that he doesn't get a workout from the weights,they get a workout from him.
Why are black people & vending machines the same? Because they both don't work & they both steal your money.
Q: Why did the gay man get fired from his job at the sperm bank? A: Drinking on the job.
A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store. The parrot said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." Well, the lady is furious! She stormed past the store to her work. On the way home she saw the same parrot and it said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." She was incredibly ticked now. The next day the same parrot again said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." The lady was so ticked that she went into the store and said that she would sue the store and kill the bird. The store manager replied, "That's not good," and promised he wouldn't say it again. When the lady walked past the store that day after work the parrot called to her, "Hey lady." She paused and said, "Yes?" The bird said, "You know."