Chuck Norris had his first job as a paperboy. "There were no survivors."
Industrial logging isn't the cause of deforestation. Chuck Norris needs toothpicks.
The only sure things are Death and Taxes…and when Chuck Norris goes to work for the IRS, they'll be the same thing.
At the age of 17, Chuck Norris was fired from his job in a car factory because he roundhouse-kicked a car in half.
Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.
If Chuck Norris ever opened a restaurant, the only thing on the menu would be knuckle sandwiches and eye of roundhouse steaks.
As an infant, Chuck Norris' parents gave him a toy hammer. He gave the world Stonehenge.
Not everyone that Chuck Norris is mad at gets killed. Some get away. They are called astronauts.
Chuck Norris can paint himself into a corner and still get the job done.
Chuck Norris does Rachel Marron's work.
Chuck Norris wins every political campaign, but politely declines the jobs.