Q: What's the difference between an epyleptic oyster shucker and a prostitute with diahrrea?
A: One shucks between fits.
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After a recent football game, the team went into the locker room to get out of their uniforms and to shower.
In the showers, Bubba noticed that Duke has a cork shoved up his butt-hole.
So, Bubba asked, "Duke, why in the world do you have a cork up your butt?"
Duke answered, "Last night when I was cleaning my antique brass lamps, a genie came out of one of them. The genie said that I had one wish. I was really startled and I replied, "No shit!"
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What is the differance between a dead baby and a VHS tape?
The VHS tape don't stink when you leave it out in the sun.
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Q: Whats the height of desperation?
A: A vampire sucking blood from a sanitary napkin.
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This morning as I was buttoning my shirt, a button fell off.
After that, I picked up my briefcase, and the handle fell off.
Then I went to open the door, and the doorknob fell off.
I went to get into my car, and the door handle came off in my hand.
Now I'm afraid to pee.
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Why do babies have a soft spot in their heads?
So you can pick them up five at a time
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How is parsley like pubic hair?
You push it aside to eat, and sometimes it gets stuck between your teeth after meals.
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A little guy gets on a plane and sits next to the window.
A few minutes later, a big, heavy, strong, mean-looking, hulking guy plops down in the seat next to him and immediately falls asleep.
The little guy starts to feel a little airsick, but he's afraid to wake the big guy up to ask if he can go to the toilet.
He knows he can't climb over him, and so the little guy is sitting there, looking at the big guy, trying to decide what to do.
Suddenly, the plane hits an air pocket and an uncontrollable wave of nausea passes through the little guy.
He can't hold it in any longer and he pukes all over the big guy's chest.
About five minutes later the big guy wakes up, looks down, and sees the vomit all over him.
"So," says the little guy, "are you feeling better now?"
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Two brunettes and a blonde are attempting to fix a roof.
While they are on the roof, a herd of cattle run by and knock down the ladder and leave a big pile of poop behind.
The two brunettes decide to make the blonde check how deep the poop is so they can jump down.
So the blonde jumps down and yells, "It's only ankle deep."
So the two brunettes jump down and scream, "What are you talking about?! It's up to our heads!"
And the blonde replies, "Well, I jumped in head first."
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An asp in the grass is a snake, but a grasp in the ass is a goose.
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Two guys narrowly escaped from a sinking ship on a life raft and discovered a magic lamp tucked away in a dark cranny.
Figuring what the hell, one of the men gave the lamp a rub and "poof," a cloud of smoke.
A second later, a genie appeared and said, "I will grant each of you one wish."
After thinking a while, the first man turned to the genie and said, "I wish I were floating on an ocean of beer."
The genie granted the man's wish and disappeared.
The man's companion turned to him and said, "Way to go idiot. Now we have to pee in the boat."
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