Q: What's the difference between an epyleptic oyster shucker and a prostitute with diahrrea?
A: One shucks between fits.
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Two sperms.
The first one asked the second "How much time we need to reach the womb?"
The second one answered "To much time left... We are in the stomach now."
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A girl was a prostitute, but she did not want her grandma to know.
One day the police raided a whole group of prostitutes at a sex party in a hotel and she was among them.
The police took them outside and had all the prostitutes line up along the driveway.
Suddenly the girl's grandma came by and saw her.
"Why are you standing in line, dear?" she asked.
Not willing to let her grandma know the truth, the girl told her that the policemen were passing out free oranges.
"Why, that is awfully nice of them! I think I'll get some for myself," said the grandma.
A policeman went down the line, asking for information from all of the prostitutes.
When he got to Grandma, he exclaimed, "Wow, still going at it at your age? How do you do it?"
Grandma replied, "Oh, it's easy, dear. I just take out my dentures and suck them dry!"
What bounces up and down at 100mph?
A baby tied to the back of a truck.
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Q: How do you embarrass an archaeologist?
A: Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from
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Q: What does an elephant use as tampon?
A: A sheep.
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I got into an embarrassing situation at a swingers' party last night.
I snuck up behind an older lady, started fucking her from behind then looked up and suddenly realised that the guy at the other end of the spitroast, getting a blowjob, was my dad. I said, "After 30 years of marriage I can't believe you're being unfaithful to mum."
He said, "I'm not."
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Q: What is worse than ten dead people in one trashcan?
A: One dead person in ten trashcans!
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Bill and John, in their 80's decided to visit the Madam for one last sexual encounter.
The Madam noticed Bill and John approaching, she quickly prepared 2 blow-up dolls, placing one in each room on the bed.
Bill and John told the Madam that "We are here for the last time".
The Madam sent Bill upstairs to the room on the left and John to the room on the right.
After an hour Bill and John left the rooms, paid the Madam and left.
Bill and John were very quiet until Bill said: "How was yours"?
John said, "I think she was dead".
John said, "How was yours"?
Bill said, "I think she was a witch".
John replied, "How did you know she was a witch"?
Bill said, "Well I got on top of her, bit her nipple, she farted and flew out the window."
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What do you call an abortion in Czechslovakia?
A cancelled Czech!
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Q: What does it look like when you microwave a baby?
A: I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate.
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