3 bums were outside a bar.
The first one went in and asked for a fork.
The second one went in and also asked for a fork.
Then the third one went in and wanted a straw.
At this point, the bartender became curious.
"How come all your friends want forks and you want a straw?"
"Well," the bum said, "the dog threw up and the chunks are all gone."
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Q: Did you hear about the depressed proctologist?
A: He's been feeling down in the dumps.
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Did you here about the man that died from eating Rocky Mountain Oysters?
The bull must have drug him a mile!
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A man took a poop in a gas station and then realized there was no toilet paper.
There was a hole in the wall and a sign above it that read: "When you go to the bathroom, wipe yourself with your index finger, stick it through this hole and it will be thoroughly cleaned."
The man did exactly what the sign said, but when he stuck his finger through the hole, someone at the other side slapped two bricks together against his finger and because of the pain he stuck his finger in his mouth and started to suck on it.
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Q: Why do men snore when they lie on their backs?
A: Because when their balls fall over their a**holes, they vapor-lock.
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Why did God give women legs?
So they don't leave a trail like a slug.
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Q: What's the difference between a brown-noser and a sh*thead?
A: Depth perception.
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A woman walks into a restaurant and sits down.
As she bends down to reach into her purse for her wallet, she farts loudly with the waiter right behind her.
She sits abruptly back up, glares at the waiter and shouts “Stop that!”
To which the waiter replies, “Sure, which way did it go?”
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A man jumps off a building at the same time that another man pisses.
Which hits the ground first?
The piss, because nobody beats the Wiz!
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Five men and one woman wash up on a desert island after a shipwreck.
Before long they are all getting pretty horny so they all make a deal.
Each man will marry the woman for one week at a time, at which point the next man in line will marry her and so on.
All the men get sex every five weeks and the woman gets sex as often as she wants with a different man each week.
The situation works wonderfully for five years.
When the woman suddenly dies...
The first week after wasn't too bad.
The second week was geting sort of bad.
The third week was getting pretty bad.
The fourth week was really bad.
The fifth week was horrible!
By the sixth week it was unbearable... so they buried her.
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One man says, "I can't believe they are still together after all that crap."
The other man says, "Who?"
The first man says, "Your butt cheeks."
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