Joke #4794

Say, "Do I smell popcorn?" right after you fart. So everybody takes a big whiff.

A blonde buys a used sports car. However, during the first joy ride, the engine jerks and the car slows to a stop. The blonde calls a tow truck. The mechanic sets to work, and 10 minutes later, the car is running again. "What was the matter?" she asks. "Simple really, just sh*t in the carburetor" he replies. Taken aback she asks, "Oh, how many times a week do I have to put that in?"

Two flies sit on a pile of poop. One fly passes gas. The other fly looks at him and says, "Hey do you mind? I'm eating here."

What's red and sits in a corner? A baby playing with a razor blade.

There was a young man from Peru Who fell asleep in a canoe He dreamt that Venus was strokin' his penis And woke with a handfull of goo

What do you get when you cross Billy Ray Cyrus with a yeast infection? An itchy, twitchy twat!

A pollock walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist if he sells condoms. We have some for 75 cents a peace. The man asks for two. The pharmacist calculates the total and says, "That will be $1.58 with tax, sir." The pollock says, "Oh, these come with tacks? I was wondering how you keep them on."

My mother in law's farts are so horrible that I can rent her to governments for using instead of chemical weapons for destroying their enemies!

Why can't girls play hockey? Because their pads can't last three periods.

I am a dog And you are a flower. I lift my leg up And give you a shower.

One day a guy and a girl were making out in her parents' bedroom, and it was getting pretty steamy. All of a sudden, the guy takes out his shlong and places it in her hand. She screams and runs downstairs, through the kitchen, through the living room, the bathroom, the dining room, back upstairs, through her bedroom, her bathroom, her sister's bedroom, down the hall and back into her parents' bedroom. "Listen, pal! I have two words for you -- DROP DEAD!" "I have two words for you -- LET GO!"