If you had a million dollars and gave away one quarter, and another quarter, and then another quarter, how much would you have left? A million dollars minus 75 cents.
"If you had a dollar," quizzed the teacher, "and you asked your father for another dollar and fifty cents, how much money would you have?" "One dollar." answered little Johnny. "You don't know your basic math." said the teacher shaking her head, disappointed. Little Johnny shook his head too, "You don't know my daddy."
A businessman was confused about a bill he had received, so he asked his secretary for some mathematical help. "If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?" he asked her. The secretary replied, "Everything but my earrings."
Johnny, if you had 5$ and you asked your father for 3$ more, how many dollars would you have? I would have five dollars... You don't know your arithmetic, Johnny... You don't know my father, Mrs. Mutch...
A blonde desserts her home town out of shame, and colors her hair brown. She drives past a farm and sees all the sheep. She goes up to the farmer and ask, "If I guess how many sheep you have can I have one?" The farmer nodded. She continued. "159" The farmer is surprised. "How did you know?" "Lucky guess" She grabs one and gets in her car. The farmer comes up and says, "If I can guess your real hair color can I get my dog back?"
There was a blonde who was at an all blonde football game. At halftime she was called down to answer questions to see if she could win $1000. The first question was what is 10 plus 11? She hesitates and says, "hm.. 5!" The host says "No, I'm sorry thats incorrect." All of the blondes in the stadium chanted "Give her another chance, give her another chance!" So the host agrees and said, "Ok how about 5 plus 5." She answers and says "20". Again all the blondes chanted "Give her another chance, give her another chance." So the host agrees again and says, "OK, last chance, what is 2 plus 2." The blonde says "4!" and the audience says "Give her another chance give her another chance!"
The teacher asks a student "If you have $5 and billy takes $3, how much do you have left?" The student replies "Not enough for fucking lunch and billy ain't gonna have no got damn teeth left stealing my 3 dollars."
Little Johnny was in Maths class when his teacher asked him: "Johnny, if your Mother had to repay a loan of $100,000, and you gave her $50,000, what would she need to repay the loan?" Johnny replied, "To repay the loan? $50,000 more. To stay alive? CPR."
A man walks into a bar. He sits down and orders a beer. While drinking he notices on the back shelf, a giant glass jar full of dollar bills. He asks the bartender "what's with all the $"? The bartender replies, "it's a game customers play. They put $50 in the jar, and have to complete 3 tasks to win the bulk". The man says, shocked, "well what are the tasks? There must be thousands in that jar". The bartender responds "you must pay the $50 before given the tasks". The man refuses and claims that's stupid. But after a few beers, curiosity gets to him and he decides to pay the fee. The bartender explains "The three tasks are... you must first drink this entire bottle of tequila until it's empty. Next, outback is an angry, stray Rottweiler who has a horrible tooth which needs to be removed. And lastly, upstairs in the apartment is an old lady who's been widowed for 45 years and hasn't had an orgasm since. So you must also give her a wild time to extreme pleasure to win the reward". The man agrees and starts with a few sips of the spirit, takes a break then chugs the rest of the entire bottle! Already feeling wasted and dazed, he stumbles out of his stool, and towards the back exit. Once outside, the bartender and other customers can only listen to what is happening. After a few barks and growls, all of a sudden the dog lets out a loud whimper. In stumbles, the daring man, clothes shredded and blood spattered. The customer's mouths were hanging wide open. The bartender asks " oh my god, nobody's ever done that, is the dog going to be alright?!" "Ahhhh Don't worry about that damn dog" shouts the drunken man. "Just tell me where the old bitch is who needs that tooth pulled". Heard this from an old man, not sure where he got it from, or if it's on here already or not.
Pawn Stars: Man: "Can I have change for a dollar?" Rick: "Best I can do is 75 cents."