If you had a million dollars and gave away one quarter, and another quarter, and then another quarter, how much would you have left? A million dollars minus 75 cents.
"If you had a dollar," quizzed the teacher, "and you asked your father for another dollar and fifty cents, how much money would you have?" "One dollar." answered little Johnny. "You don't know your basic math." said the teacher shaking her head, disappointed. Little Johnny shook his head too, "You don't know my daddy."
A businessman was confused about a bill he had received, so he asked his secretary for some mathematical help. "If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?" he asked her. The secretary replied, "Everything but my earrings."
Johnny, if you had 5$ and you asked your father for 3$ more, how many dollars would you have? I would have five dollars... You don't know your arithmetic, Johnny... You don't know my father, Mrs. Mutch...
A blonde desserts her home town out of shame, and colors her hair brown. She drives past a farm and sees all the sheep. She goes up to the farmer and ask, "If I guess how many sheep you have can I have one?" The farmer nodded. She continued. "159" The farmer is surprised. "How did you know?" "Lucky guess" She grabs one and gets in her car. The farmer comes up and says, "If I can guess your real hair color can I get my dog back?"
There was a blonde who was at an all blonde football game. At halftime she was called down to answer questions to see if she could win $1000. The first question was what is 10 plus 11? She hesitates and says, "hm.. 5!" The host says "No, I'm sorry thats incorrect." All of the blondes in the stadium chanted "Give her another chance, give her another chance!" So the host agrees and said, "Ok how about 5 plus 5." She answers and says "20". Again all the blondes chanted "Give her another chance, give her another chance." So the host agrees again and says, "OK, last chance, what is 2 plus 2." The blonde says "4!" and the audience says "Give her another chance give her another chance!"
The teacher asks a student "If you have $5 and billy takes $3, how much do you have left?" The student replies "Not enough for fucking lunch and billy ain't gonna have no got damn teeth left stealing my 3 dollars."
Little Johnny was in Maths class when his teacher asked him: "Johnny, if your Mother had to repay a loan of $100,000, and you gave her $50,000, what would she need to repay the loan?" Johnny replied, "To repay the loan? $50,000 more. To stay alive? CPR."
We were so poor the only way I could afford to get my suit pressed was to ride the subway during rush hour.
The pentagon said they had too many generals running around, so they decided to get rid of some of them. They offered $10,000 in severance pay for each inch of their body to be measured however they chose. The Air Force general went first. He said he wanted to be measured from his head to his toe. He was 69 inches. He received $690,000. Next up was the Army general. He wanted to be measured from the tip of his finger to the tip of his other finger. It was 80 inches. He received $800,000. The two generals were very happy with their earnings. Finally the Marine general came up. He said he wanted to be measured from the tip of his d**k to the tip of his balls. The man said, "Sir, do you know how much the other generals received?" The general said no. "Sir, they received $690,000 and $800,000 respectively, are you sure that is what you want measured?" The general said, "Just do it!" The man dropped the general's pants and measured his d**k. When he went for the general's balls, they weren't there. The man said, "Sir, where are your balls." The general said, "I left them back in Vietnam."
"What happened to your girlfriend, that really cute math student?" "She no longer is my girlfriend. I caught her cheating on me." "I don't believe that she cheated on you!" "Well, a couple of nights ago I called her on the phone, and she told me that she was in bed wrestling with three unknowns..."