Why does it take 100 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
Because not one will stop and ask for directions.
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Why do women pay more attention to their appearance than improving their minds?
Because most men are stupid, but few are blind.
What does a man make best for dinner?
Reservations.
Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.
Six nuns are washing themselves all together when the doorbell rings.
One nun goes to the door and says 'who is it?'
An elderly gentleman replies "It's the blind man from the village" so the nun shouts to the others, "don't worry it's just the blind man from the village, I'll let him in."
She lets him in and goes "how can we help?"
The gent replies "I'm just going to go measure your blinds, but nice tits"
Q:How many divorced men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:None, the sockets go with the house.
Vote:
A pirate was on his ship and his watchman comes to him and says, "1 enemy ship on the horizont."
The captain says, "Bring me my red shirt, no men get injured or die."
So the watchman comes to him and asks, "Why did you want your red shirt?"
The captain says, "Because if i get injured they won't see and keep on fighting."
So the watchman comes to him again and says, "20 enemy ships on the horizont."
The captain says, "Bring me my brown pants."
How are men like diplomas?
You spend lots of time getting one, but once you
have it, you don't know what to do with it.
What is that insensitive bit at the base of the penis called?
The man.
My Dearest Susan,
Sweetie of my heart.
I’ve been so desolate ever since I broke off our engagement.
Simply devastated.
Won’t you please consider coming back to me?
You hold a place in my heart no other woman can fill.
I can never marry another woman quite like you.
I need you so much. Won’t you forgive me and let us make a new beginning?
I love you so.
Yours always and truly,
John
P.S. Congratulations on you winning the state lottery.
