Why does it take 100 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
Because not one will stop and ask for directions.
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What is a man's idea of foreplay?
A half hour of begging.
Why do men ask for a woman's hand in marriage?
Because they are tired of using their own.
Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
To stop the snoring before it starts.
Q: What does a shot of Everclear and a Woman have in common?
A: Both of them make men start talking nonsense!
What do men and sperm have in common?
They both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being.
Men are like.....Lawn Mowers.
If you're not pushing one around, then you're riding it.
John it’s alright muttering a few words in the church and finding yourself married, but if you mutter a few words in your sleep you might find yourself divorced.
Q: How can you tell when a man is dead?
A: He stays stiff for more than two minutes.
General McKenzie was in charge of the Navy, and he was visiting his colleague General Marshall, who was in charge of the Army.
McKenzie arrives at the military camp and is greeted by Marshall.
They both walk around the place, and McKensie asks: "So how are your men?"
"Very well trained, Gral. McKenzie."
"I hope so. You see, my men over at the Navy are so well trained, you could see they're the bravest men all over the country."
"Well, my men are very brave, too."
"I'd like to see that."
So Marshall calls private Cooper and says: "Private Johnson!
I want you to stop that tank coming here with your body!"
"Are you crazy?
It'd kill me, you idiot! I'm out of here!" As private Johnson ran away, Marshall turned to a bewildered McKenzie and said:
"You see? You have to be pretty brave to talk like that to a general."