Why does it take 100 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
Because not one will stop and ask for directions.
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Men have two emotions: hungry and horny. So if you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
Why is it good that there are female astronauts?
When the crew gets lost in space, the woman will ask for directions.
Q: Why the men's voice is louder than women?
A: men have an antenna!
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Q. What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?
A. They're married.
2 boys searching for their lost girlfriends:
1st: How your girlfriend look like?
2nd: 5'6, hot, sexy, blue eyes... what about yours?
1st: Forget about mine.. lets search for yours.
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Husband: What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
Wife: Turn sideways and look in the mirror.
Q: Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking?
A: They already have boyfriends.
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A policeman pulled a car over and told the driver he had won $5,000 dollars in the seatbelt competition.
"What are you going to do with the money?" asked the policeman.
"Well, I guess I'm going to get a drivers license", he answered.
"Oh, don't listen to him," said a woman in the passenger seat, "He's a smart aleck when he's drunk."
Then the guy in the backseat said, "I knew we wouldn't get far in a stolen car."
At that moment there was a knock from the trunk and a voice said, "Are we over the border yet?"
Why do men need instant replay on TV sports?
Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.
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When I was 13, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend with big boobs.
When I was 16 I got a girlfriend with big boobs, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life.
In college I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional.
Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide.
So I decided I needed a girl with stability.
When I was 25 I found a very stable girl but she was boring.
She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything.
Life became so dull that I decided that I needed a girl with some excitement.
When I was 28 I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her.
She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything.
She did mad impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy.
She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless.
So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition.
When I turned 30, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground, so I married her.
She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned.
I am older and wiser now, and I am looking for a girl with big boobs.