Why does it take 100 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
Because not one will stop and ask for directions.
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How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
ONE......He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.
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Q. Why do men name their penises?
A. Because they don't want ninety per cent of their decisions made by a perfect stranger.
Why do men want to vote for a female President?
Because we'd only have to pay her half as much.
Q. Why don't women blink during foreplay?
A. They don't have time.
Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?
Because if they all went, it would be Hell.
Q: What does a shot of Everclear and a Woman have in common?
A: Both of them make men start talking nonsense!
Q: Why is it jewish men won't go down on a woman?
A: Too close to the gas chamber.
Men are like.....Government bonds.
They take so long to mature.
A man walks into a clock shop where a beautiful woman is working.
He walks to the counter unzips his fly and pulls out his cock.
The woman screams "excuse me sir this is a CLOCK SHOP".
I know replied the man "I want two hands and a face put on this".
Two hunters shot a deer, and were dragging him to the car by the hind leg, which was difficult because the other legs kept snagging in the brush.
"Chet, I've got an idea, I think we are doing this wrong. Let's try dragging him by the horns, like we were advised by the ammo-store salesman."
"OK," says Ivan.
After a while, Ivan says, "I think this is a lot better because his legs fold up and don't get caught in the brush, but we seem to be getting farther from the car."