Why does it take 100 million sperm to fertilize one egg? Because not one will stop and ask for directions.
The Perfect Man: - wakes up at 5 am everyday - exercises everyday - makes his own bed - cleans his room - works sincerely - does not touch alcohol - helps in the kitchen - does not indulge in night life - always punctual - prays daily - hits the bed at 9 pm sharp Such a perfect man can only be found in jail.
How do you get a man to stop biting his nails? Make him wear shoes.
Did you hear about the man who spent too much of his company's money on Viagra? Now he's hard up.
Q. What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common? A. They're married.
Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: One. Men will screw anything.
What's the quickest way to lose 190 pounds of ugly fat? Divorce him.
Wife: "I have to tell you something. I'm pregnant." Husband: "Hi Pregnant, I'm Dad." Wife: "No, you are not."
They say the surest way to a man's heart is through the stomach. But personally, I find going through the ribcage a lot easier.