A man walks into a bar and says "Ow!" A second man walks into the same bar. You would think after the first one hit it, the second one would have seen it coming.
Q. How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes? A. Both of them.
A real man would never cry in public unless: He watched a movie in which a heroic dog dies to save his master. Or if Heidi klum unbuckled her shirt. Or if he accidentally dropped crates full of beer.
Why did God create man? Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn.
How are men and parking spots alike? The good ones are always taken and the ones that are left are handicapped.
A man ask his wife, "What would you do if I won the lottery?" Wife says, "I would take half and leave you". Man says, "Great! I have won a tenner, here a fiver now f*ck off!
Yo moma is so fat, and so nasty, when she sat down on the toilet, grown men fall out of her screaming "We're free! We're free!"
I had to divorce my husband for religious reasons, I'm a catholic and living with him is hell.
How can you tell if a novel is homosexual? The hero always gets his man in the end.
Men are like.....Popcorn. They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
A man is moaning to his mate that he never has any luck with pulling women. His mate tells him he has a chat up line that never fails, no matter how good looking the women are he always ends up in bed with them. Great says his mate, what is it! Just walk up to any woman you fancy and say, "Excuse me love, could I ask your opinion! Does this damp piece of cloth smell like chloroform to you?"