A man walks into a bar and says "Ow!" A second man walks into the same bar. You would think after the first one hit it, the second one would have seen it coming.
"Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something."
Men are like.....Weather. Nothing can be done to change either one of them.
If men got pregnant.... abortion would be available in convenience stores and drive-through windows.
If guys had they periods, they would compare the size of their tampons.
How is a man like a microwave oven? Just another thing that heats up instantly and goes off in twenty seconds.
They say the surest way to a man's heart is through the stomach. But personally, I find going through the ribcage a lot easier.
A guy walked into his friend’s office. He found his friend sitting at his desk, looking very depressed. "Hey, what’s up with you?," he asked. "Oh, its my wife," replied the man sadly. "She’s hired a new secretary for me." "Well, nothing wrong in that," he said, "Is she blonde or brunette?" "Neither. He’s bald."
How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? Who knows? - It hasn't happened yet!!
A foursome is waiting at the men's tee when another foursome of ladies are hitting from the ladies tee. The ladies are taking their time and when finally the last one is ready to hit the ball she hacks it about 10 feet, goes over to it, hacks it another ten feet and looks up at the men waiting and says apologetically "I guess all those fucking lessons I took this winter didn't help." One of the men immediately replies, "No, you see that's your problem. You should have been taking golf lessons instead."
I stopped at a friend's house the other day and found him stalking around with a fly-swatter. When I asked if he was getting any flies, he answered: "Yeah, three males and two females." Curious, I asked how he could tell the difference. He said: "Three were on a beer can and two were on the phone."