Joke #1598

Men are like.....Weather. Nothing can be done to change either one of them.
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has 31.03 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: men, weather

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A man is strolling past the mental hospital and suddenly remembers an important meeting. Unfortunately, his watch has stopped, and he cannot tell if he is late or not. Then, he notices a patient similarly strolling about within the hospital fence. Calling out to the patient, the man says, "Pardon me, sir, but do you have the time?" The patient calls back, "One moment!" and throws himself upon the ground, pulling out a short stick as he does. He pushes the stick into the ground, and, pulling out a carpenter's level, assures himself that the stick is vertical. With a compass, the patient locates north and with a steel ruler, measures the precise length of the shadow cast by the stick. Withdrawing a slide rule from his pocket, the patient calculates rapidly, then swiftly packs up all his tools and turns back to the pedestrian, saying, "It is now precisely 3:29 pm, provided today is August 16th, which I believe it is." The man can't help but be impressed by this demonstration, and sets his watch accordingly. Before he leaves, he says to the patient, "That was really quite remarkable, but tell me, what do you do on a cloudy day, or at night, when the stick casts no shadow?" The patient holds up his wrist and says, "I suppose I'd just look at my watch."
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has 80.03 % from 133 votes. More jokes about: hospital, men, time, weather
What do you call a bunch of white people running down a hill? A Avalanche.
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has 21.33 % from 484 votes. More jokes about: racist, weather, white people
Three men are sitting naked in the sauna. Suddenly there is a beeping sound. The first man presses his forearm and the beeping stops. The others look at him questioningly. "That's my pager," he says. "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm." A few minutes later a phone rings. The second man lifts his palm to his ear. When he finishes he explains, "That's my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand." The third man, feeling decidedly low-tech, steps out of the sauna. In a few minutes he returns with a piece of toilet paper extending from his rear. The others raise their eyebrows. "I'm getting a fax," he explains.
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has 71.35 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: men, phone, technology
Q: What do you call a man who has lost 98% of his brain? A: A widower.
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has 61.28 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: men
Chuck Norris used to date Hurricane Katrina.
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has 51.00 % from 53 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, dating, weather
Two blondes lock their keys in the car. One of the blondes tries to break into the car while the the other one watches. Finally the first blonde says "Darn, I can't get in the car!" The other blond replies, "keep trying, it looks like it is going to rain and the top is down".
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has 67.11 % from 89 votes. More jokes about: blonde, car, weather
Three old guys are out walking. First one says, “Windy, isn’t it?” Second one says, “No, its Thursday!” Third one says, “So am I. Let’s go get a beer.”
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has 58.18 % from 55 votes. More jokes about: beer, old people, weather
Q: What 80's rock band is banned from New Orleans and why? A: The Scorpions. Every time they're in town, they rock you like a hurricane.
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has 68.80 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: age, geography, music, weather
A doctor says to his patient, "I have bad news and worse news." "Oh dear, what's the bad news?" asks the patient. The doctor replies, "You only have 24 hours to live." "That's terrible," said the patient. "How can the news possibly be worse?" The doctor replies, "I've been trying to contact you since yesterday."
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has 74.20 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: men
Yo mama so fat when she burped New Orleans thought Katrina came back to finish the job.
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has 75.20 % from 273 votes. More jokes about: fat, insulting, weather, Yo mama