Joke #1598

Men are like.....Weather. Nothing can be done to change either one of them.
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has 31.03 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: men, weather

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A man is strolling past the mental hospital and suddenly remembers an important meeting. Unfortunately, his watch has stopped, and he cannot tell if he is late or not. Then, he notices a patient similarly strolling about within the hospital fence. Calling out to the patient, the man says, "Pardon me, sir, but do you have the time?" The patient calls back, "One moment!" and throws himself upon the ground, pulling out a short stick as he does. He pushes the stick into the ground, and, pulling out a carpenter's level, assures himself that the stick is vertical. With a compass, the patient locates north and with a steel ruler, measures the precise length of the shadow cast by the stick. Withdrawing a slide rule from his pocket, the patient calculates rapidly, then swiftly packs up all his tools and turns back to the pedestrian, saying, "It is now precisely 3:29 pm, provided today is August 16th, which I believe it is." The man can't help but be impressed by this demonstration, and sets his watch accordingly. Before he leaves, he says to the patient, "That was really quite remarkable, but tell me, what do you do on a cloudy day, or at night, when the stick casts no shadow?" The patient holds up his wrist and says, "I suppose I'd just look at my watch."
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has 80.17 % from 134 votes. More jokes about: hospital, men, time, weather
Q: What do you call a group of men found drowned in a wine vat? A: The Grape-full Dead!
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has 22.36 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: death, men, wine
A brunette who really hated blondes was walking through the desert when she came across a magic lamp. After rubbing the lamp the genie told her that she got three wishes with one catch: All the blondes in the world would get twice whatever she asked for. So the brunette thought a while and then wished for a million dollars. "Every blonde in the world will get two million." The brunette said that was fine and then she asked for an incredibly handsome man. Every blonde in the world will get two incredibly handsome men. The brunette said that was fine too and the genie granted her wishes. "Now for your third wish." said the genie. "See that stick over there?", asked the brunette, "I want you to beat me half to death with it."
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has 79.41 % from 212 votes. More jokes about: blonde, death, genie, men, money
How do men sort their laundry? "Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable".
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has 76.80 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: men
Q: Why are men so happy? A: Because ignorance is bliss.
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has 25.81 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: men
Go to your back door and look for the dog. If the dog is at the door and he is wet, it's probably raining. But if the dog is standing there really soaking wet, it is probably raining really hard. If the dog's fur looks like it's been rubbed the wrong way, it's probably windy. If the dog has snow on his back, it's probably snowing. Of course, to be able to tell the weather like this, you have to leave the dog outside all the time, especially if you expect bad weather. Yours sincerely,  The CAT
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has 53.62 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: animal, cat, weather
Q: What do women, tornadoes and hurricanes have in common? A: They all get the house.
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has 51.37 % from 65 votes. More jokes about: marriage, weather, women
It is so cold outside I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.
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has 74.20 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: money, political, weather
In what type of weather is the vet the busiest? When its raining cats and dogs.
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has 21.89 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: animal, cat, dog, weather
There was a tornado in my area the other day. The sky was so black; it took my bike.
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has 72.61 % from 486 votes. More jokes about: black people, racist, weather