Joke #1598

Men are like.....Weather. Nothing can be done to change either one of them.

A man is strolling past the mental hospital and suddenly remembers an important meeting. Unfortunately, his watch has stopped, and he cannot tell if he is late or not. Then, he notices a patient similarly strolling about within the hospital fence. Calling out to the patient, the man says, "Pardon me, sir, but do you have the time?" The patient calls back, "One moment!" and throws himself upon the ground, pulling out a short stick as he does. He pushes the stick into the ground, and, pulling out a carpenter's level, assures himself that the stick is vertical. With a compass, the patient locates north and with a steel ruler, measures the precise length of the shadow cast by the stick. Withdrawing a slide rule from his pocket, the patient calculates rapidly, then swiftly packs up all his tools and turns back to the pedestrian, saying, "It is now precisely 3:29 pm, provided today is August 16th, which I believe it is." The man can't help but be impressed by this demonstration, and sets his watch accordingly. Before he leaves, he says to the patient, "That was really quite remarkable, but tell me, what do you do on a cloudy day, or at night, when the stick casts no shadow?" The patient holds up his wrist and says, "I suppose I'd just look at my watch."

Why don't men like to drink coffee at work? It keeps them awake.

Why does a man like love at first sight? It saves them a lot of time.

Chuck Norris can blow a tornado away.

Despite popular belief, there is no such thing as a tornado. Chuck Norris just doesn't like trailer parks.

Jill: "How did you find the weather on your vacation?" Bill: "I just went outside and there it was!"

Men call us birds, is that because of all the worms we pick up?

It had been snowing for hours when an announcement came over the intercom: “Will the students who are parked on University Drive please move their cars so that we may begin plowing. ” Twenty minutes later there was another announcement: “Will the nine hundred students who went to move fourteen cars return to class.”

What do you call the useless piece of skin on a penis? The man.

Chuck Norris is like an F5 Tornado... When you see him coming you better run for cover and pray to God he doesn't find you...