Joke #1598

Men are like.....Weather. Nothing can be done to change either one of them.
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A man is strolling past the mental hospital and suddenly remembers an important meeting. Unfortunately, his watch has stopped, and he cannot tell if he is late or not. Then, he notices a patient similarly strolling about within the hospital fence. Calling out to the patient, the man says, "Pardon me, sir, but do you have the time?" The patient calls back, "One moment!" and throws himself upon the ground, pulling out a short stick as he does. He pushes the stick into the ground, and, pulling out a carpenter's level, assures himself that the stick is vertical. With a compass, the patient locates north and with a steel ruler, measures the precise length of the shadow cast by the stick. Withdrawing a slide rule from his pocket, the patient calculates rapidly, then swiftly packs up all his tools and turns back to the pedestrian, saying, "It is now precisely 3:29 pm, provided today is August 16th, which I believe it is." The man can't help but be impressed by this demonstration, and sets his watch accordingly. Before he leaves, he says to the patient, "That was really quite remarkable, but tell me, what do you do on a cloudy day, or at night, when the stick casts no shadow?" The patient holds up his wrist and says, "I suppose I'd just look at my watch."
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Q: Why are native Americans effective strippers? A: When they dance they make it rain.
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Chuck Norris doesn't sweat. He forces the air around him to cry and uses it's tears to cool himself.
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Q: How are women and tornadoes alike? A: They both moan like hell when they come, and take the house when they go.
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Why do blondes like lightning? "They think someone is taking their picture."
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Yo mama so fat when she burped New Orleans thought Katrina came back to finish the job.
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Why does a penis have a hole at the end? So guys can be open-minded.
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Did you hear about the man who spent too much of his company's money on Viagra? Now he's hard up.
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Women need a reason to have sex - men just need a place.
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Q. Why don't women blink during foreplay? A. They don't have time.
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