Joke #1598

Men are like.....Weather. Nothing can be done to change either one of them.
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has 31.03 % from 16 votes. More jokes about: men, weather

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A man is strolling past the mental hospital and suddenly remembers an important meeting. Unfortunately, his watch has stopped, and he cannot tell if he is late or not. Then, he notices a patient similarly strolling about within the hospital fence. Calling out to the patient, the man says, "Pardon me, sir, but do you have the time?" The patient calls back, "One moment!" and throws himself upon the ground, pulling out a short stick as he does. He pushes the stick into the ground, and, pulling out a carpenter's level, assures himself that the stick is vertical. With a compass, the patient locates north and with a steel ruler, measures the precise length of the shadow cast by the stick. Withdrawing a slide rule from his pocket, the patient calculates rapidly, then swiftly packs up all his tools and turns back to the pedestrian, saying, "It is now precisely 3:29 pm, provided today is August 16th, which I believe it is." The man can't help but be impressed by this demonstration, and sets his watch accordingly. Before he leaves, he says to the patient, "That was really quite remarkable, but tell me, what do you do on a cloudy day, or at night, when the stick casts no shadow?" The patient holds up his wrist and says, "I suppose I'd just look at my watch."
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has 79.59 % from 130 votes. More jokes about: hospital, men, time, weather
Two bored casino dealers were waiting at the craps tables for players when a gorgeous blonde lady walked in and asked if they minded if she bet twenty thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely naked." With that, she stripped off all her clothes and then rolled the dice while yelling "Come on baby, momma needs new clothes!" She then jumped up and down, hugging each of the casino dealers while yelling "YES, I WIN! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT, I WIN!!" With that, she picked up her winnings and clothes and quickly left. The dealers stood there staring at each other dumbfounded, until one finally asked the other, "What the hell did she roll anyway?" The second dealer answered, "I thought you were paying attention!"
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has 84.71 % from 72 votes. More jokes about: men
I was on the subway, sitting on a newspaper, and a guy comes over and asks "Are you reading that?" I didn’t know what to say. So I said yes. I stood up, turned the page, and sat down again.
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has 51.34 % from 12 votes. More jokes about: men
Chuck Norris can blow a tornado away.
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has 38.75 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, weather
What's the difference between an intelligent man and a UFO? I don't know, I've never seen either one.
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has 33.37 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: men
What's the Australian Male's idea of foreplay? "Brace yourself, Sheila."
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has 64.88 % from 18 votes. More jokes about: men
Q: What is the sound of Chuck Norris clapping one hand? A: Thunder.
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has 60.01 % from 125 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, music, weather
Person 1: Global Warming doesn't exist. Chuck Norris was cold so he turned the sun up. Person 2: That's bullhsh*t! everyone knows Chuck Norris doesn't get cold!
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has 58.80 % from 67 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, weather
Go to your back door and look for the dog. If the dog is at the door and he is wet, it's probably raining. But if the dog is standing there really soaking wet, it is probably raining really hard. If the dog's fur looks like it's been rubbed the wrong way, it's probably windy. If the dog has snow on his back, it's probably snowing. Of course, to be able to tell the weather like this, you have to leave the dog outside all the time, especially if you expect bad weather. Yours sincerely,  The CAT
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has 55.51 % from 33 votes. More jokes about: animal, cat, weather
Husband admiring his body in the mirror says to wife "look at that, 14 stones of pure dynamite !" Wife replies "yeah, shame about the 2 inch fuse..."
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has 68.80 % from 25 votes. More jokes about: men