Joke #1655

10. Every Tuesday he insists it's his turn to be the siren. 9. He is starting to develop a crush on one of the transvestite hookers he arrested. 8. He wants to transfer to a K-9 unit because he thinks he'd look good in a collar. 7. He wants you to call him "Judge Dredd", and he insists that all suspects should be executed right there on the spot. 6. He talk to himself. Half of him is the "good cop", and the other half is the "bad cop". 5. He keeps asking you if his bullet proof vest makes him look fat. 4. He is exchanging donut recipes with complete strangers. 3. The perpetrators beg him to stop talking about his hemorrhoids. 2. He wants to hear less talk and more music on the police channel. 1. He keeps handcuffing himself by accident!!

John and Jessica were on their way home from the bar one night and John got pulled over by the police. The officer told John that he was stopped because his tail light was burned out. John said, "I'm very sorry officer, I didn't realize it was out, I'll get it fixed right away." Just then Jessica said, "I knew this would happen when I told you two days ago to get that light fixed." So the officer asked for John's license and after looking at it said, "Sir your license has expired." And again John apologized and mentioned that he didn't realize that it had expired and would take care of it first thing in the morning. Jessica said, "I told you a week ago that the state sent you a letter telling you that your license had expired." Well by this time, John is a bit upset with his wife contradicting him in front of the officer, and he said in a rather loud voice, "Jessica, shut your mouth!" The officer then leaned over toward Jessica and asked. "Does your husband always talk to you like that?" Jessica replied, "only when he's drunk."

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walk s to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas.

Two clones are on a roof. One clone pushes the other clone off. The next day the police arrest him for making an obscene clone fall.

Officer: "I'm arresting you for downloading all of Wikipedia." Man: "No wait! I can explain everything!"

A police station gets 2 new horses and 2 cops are assigned to be mounted policemen. They go on a ride and come back pleased. "This horse is great! From now on I'll always take this one" said the first cop. "My horse's great too. So I'll always take it" replied the second cop. "But how do we know which is which?" They though for a minute or two and one of them came up with an idea. "Lets cut off this ones tail" The other cop agreed and the horse lost it's tail. The next morning The police chief is standing infront of the horses and looks really mad. The two cops see this and ask whats wrong. "You two morons cut off the horses tail that's what's wrong!" "But otherwise we couldn't tell them apart." "Can't you see the black one is a bit taller then the brown one?!"

A man was speeding down a Alabama highway, feeling secure in a gaggle of cars all traveling at the same speed. However, as they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared speed detector and was pulled over. The officer handed him the citation, received his signature and was about to walk away when the man asked, "Officer, I know I was speeding, but I don't think it's fair - there were plenty of other cars around me who were going just as fast, so why did I get the ticket?" "Ever go a fishin'?" the policeman suddenly asked the man. "Ummm, yeah..." the startled man replied. The officer grinned and added, "Did you ever catch 'em all?"

Q: How many cops does it take to arrest a Mexican? A: Eight. One to carry him, the rest to carry his oranges.

Johnny comes back home from school and tells his father, "Dad, tomorrow you are invited to a special parent meetings at school." "How much special?" "Well, just me, you, the director and two investigators from the FBI."

Two truck drivers trying to drive under a bridge. Driver, "Oh no, the height of bridge is 2.7m and our truck is 3m." 2nd driver, "it's ok, just go, there is no cops around."

A traffic Policeman recently stopped a woman for exceeding the posted speed limit. He asked the driver her name. She said, "I'm Mrs. Chadivaler Zuminskagia Ragretumunga from the Republic of Uzbetikan visiting my daughter in Columbia." As she finished speaking the cop paused for a moment and then put away his summons book and pen, and said, "Well... OK... but don't let me catch you speeding again."