Joke #3159

The Judge said to the defendant. "I thought I told you I never wanted to see you in here again." "Your Honor," the criminal said, "that's what I tried to tell the police, but they wouldn't listen."
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My wife and I have our little fights. We had a fight last week. Nothing much, only two police cars.
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A male driver is pulled over by a cop and the following conversation takes place: Man: What's the problem officer? Cop: You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone. Man: No sir, I was going 65. Wife: Oh Harry. You were going 80. (Man gives his wife a dirty look.) Cop: I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light. Man: Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light! Wife: Oh Harry, you've known about that tail light for weeks. (Man gives his wife a dirty look.) Cop: I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt. Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car. Wife: Oh Harry, you never wear your seat belt. Man: Shut your mouth, woman! Cop: Ma'am, does your husband always talk to you this way? Wife: No, only when he's drunk.
Vote: has 86.98 % from 2002 votes. Send joke:

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Someone call CSI. I just killed my workout.
Vote: has 64.78 % from 14 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: cop, death, fitness
Three highly decorated police officers die in a wild shoot out with narcotics dealers and go to heaven. God greets them and asks, "When you are laid out in your casket, and your fellow officers and family are mourning you, what would you like to hear them say about you? The first cop says, "I would like to hear them say, that I was the bravest cop on the force." The second police officer says, "I would like to hear that I was a terrific cop who died in the line of duty." The last cop replies, "I would like to hear them say ... Look, He's Moving!"
Vote: has 84.08 % from 85 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: cop, death, family, god, heaven
A policeman caught a mischievous little boy with a penknife in one hand and a squirrel in the other. "Now listen here," the policeman said, "Whatever you do to that poor, innocent creature I shall personally do to you." "In that case," said the boy, "I'll give it lots of chocolates as well as all my money and let it go."
Vote: has 79.05 % from 165 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: animal, cop, food, kids, money
A man was pulled over for driving too fast, even though he thought he was driving just fine. Officer: "You were speeding." Man: "No, I wasn’t." Officer: "Yes, you were. I’m giving you a ticket." Man: "But I wasn’t speeding." Officer: "Tell that to the judge!" (The officer gives man the ticket.) Man: "Would I get another ticket if I called you a jerk?" Officer: "Yes, you would." Man: "What if I just thought that you were?" Officer: "I can’t give you a ticket for what you think." Man: "Fine, I think you’re a jerk!"
Vote: has 76.80 % from 57 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: car, cop
The man was in no shape to drive, so he wisely left his car parked and walked home. As he was walking unsteadily along, he was stopped by a policeman. "What are you doing out here at 2 A.M.?" said the officer. "I'm going to a lecture." the man said. "And who is going to give a lecture at this hour?" the cop asked. "My wife." said the man.
Vote: has 63.82 % from 35 votes. Send joke:

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My uncle is with the FBI. They caught him in Cleveland.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one - and let the other one off.
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A police officer pulled a young woman over for speeding and politely asked to see her license. "Why don't you cops get your act together," she said in a huff. "Yesterday you take my license away, and now today you expect me to show it to you!"
Vote: has 73.44 % from 30 votes. Send joke:

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