What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing you haven't told her twice!
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Q: Why is life like a penis?
A: Women make it hard!
A man and a woman are lying in bed, watching the ceiling and keep quiet.
What are they thinking?
The woman thinks, "He keeps quiet.
He doesn’t want to talk.
May be he’s get tired of me.
He doesn’t love me anymore.
He’s probably got someone else.
I see.
We’ll have to separate each other."
The man thinks, "A fly. A fly on the ceiling.
Wow!
How keep it there and don’t fall?"
Happy Father's Day to the top three most likely candidates.
Question: Why is a laundromat a really bad place to pick up women?
Answer: Because a woman who can’t even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you.
Do you know why women aren't allowed in space?
To avoid scenarios like: "Houston, we have a problem!"
"What is the problem?"
"Yeah, great, pretend like you don't know what I'm talking about!"
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t want.
If the Earth turned 30 times faster, we would get salary every day, but women would bleed to death...
Q: Do you know what 69 is?
A: It's a good thing screwed up by a period.
A young job applicant was being interviewed for an entry-level position.
His prospective boss asked, "Are you a smoker?"
"Not even a little," said the young man.
"How about alcoholic beverages?"
"Never touch 'em," he replied.
The boss smiled and asked, "So you spend a lot of time with girls?"
The applicant said, "No, not really."
"So you don't have any vices?"
"Well, I do have one," he admitted.
"And what would that be?" the boss asked.
"I tell lies."