Joke #167

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing you haven't told her twice!
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has 33.74 % from 39 votes. More jokes about: women

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An elderly Florida lady did her shopping, and upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her voice, “I have a gun, and I know how to use it! Get out of the car!” The four men didn’t wait for a second invitation. They got out and ran like mad. The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and get into the driver’s seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition. She tried and tried, and then it dawned on her why. A few minutes later she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down! She loaded her bags into the car and then drove to the police station. The sergeant to whom she told the story nearly tore himself in two with laughter. He pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale men were reporting a car jacking by a mad, elderly woman described as white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair, about 75, and carrying a large handgun.
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has 82.51 % from 77 votes. More jokes about: car, cop, old people, women
Q: Why do some women look at blank paper? A: They like to read their rights.
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has 60.66 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: women
A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house. Exhausted from the afternoon's activities, they fell asleep and awoke at around 8 p.m. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Mystified, she nonetheless complied and he slipped into his shoes and drove home. "Where have you been?" demanded his wife when he entered the house. "Darling," replied the man, "I can't lie to you. I've been having an affair with my secretary. I fell asleep in her bed and didn't wake up until eight o'clock." The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, "You liar! You've been playing golf!"
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has 70.65 % from 901 votes. More jokes about: golf, marriage, time, wife, women
My Dearest Susan, Sweetie of my heart. I’ve been so desolate ever since I broke off our engagement. Simply devastated. Won’t you please consider coming back to me? You hold a place in my heart no other woman can fill. I can never marry another woman quite like you. I need you so much. Won’t you forgive me and let us make a new beginning? I love you so. Yours always and truly, John P.S. Congratulations on you winning the state lottery.
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has 37.27 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: marriage, men, women
A man walks into a clock shop where a beautiful woman is working. He walks to the counter unzips his fly and pulls out his cock. The woman screams "excuse me sir this is a CLOCK SHOP". I know replied the man "I want two hands and a face put on this".
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has 64.94 % from 150 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, men, sex, women
"Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper." "What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!" "I know all that." "Then why did you invite a friend for supper?" "Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married."
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has 49.61 % from 19 votes. More jokes about: women
Q: Why is it jewish men won't go down on a woman? A: Too close to the gas chamber.
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has 39.68 % from 126 votes. More jokes about: black people, dirty, jewish, men, women
Women are like telephones. They love to be held. They love to be talked to. But, if you press the wrong button, you're disconnected.
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has 79.13 % from 326 votes. More jokes about: love, phone, women
Q: What did one female terrorist say to the other? A: "Does my bomb look big in this?"
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has 54.20 % from 67 votes. More jokes about: black humor, terrorist, women
Q: If a man crashes his car into a woman who's fault is it? A: Well what was the man doing driving in the kitchen...
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has 46.96 % from 88 votes. More jokes about: car, driving, women