Joke #1707

How many cop jokes are there? Just two, all the rest are true!
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has 29.93 % from 14 votes. More jokes about: cop

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A police officer pulls over a driver and informs him that he has just won $5,000 in a safety competition, all because he is wearing his seat belt. "What are you going to do with the prize money?" the officer asks. The man responds, "I guess I'll go to driving school and get my license." His wife says, "Officer, don't listen to him. He's a smart aleck when he's drunk." The guy in the back seat pops up out from under the blanket and says, "I knew we wouldn't get far in this stolen car." Just then a knock comes from the trunk and a voice calls out, "Are we over the border yet?"
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has 83.90 % from 294 votes. More jokes about: cop, drunk, money
According to the police, if you hold your purse by the strap and under your arm, nothing will ever happen to you.... Unless your name happens to be Bruce.
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has 33.37 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: cop
A game warden was driving down the road when he came upon a boy carrying a wild turkey under his arm. He stopped and asked the boy, "Where did you get that turkey?" The boy replied, "What turkey?" The game warden said, "That turkey you're carrying under your arm." The boy looks down and said, "Well, lookee here, a turkey done roosted under my arm!" The game warden said, "Now look, you know turkey season is closed, so whatever you do to that turkey, I'm going to do to you. If you break his leg, I'm gonna break your leg. If you break his wing, I'll break your arm. Whatever you do to him, I'll do to you. So, what are you gonna do with him?" The little boy said, "I guess I'll just kiss his ass and let him go!"
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has 74.23 % from 168 votes. More jokes about: animal, cop, game
One day a man was stuck in bumper to bumper traffic, and he really had to take a s**t. So he got out of his car and went over to a bush and took a s**t in his hat. He couldn't leave his hat there because he had his name on it. He took his hat and on the way to his car he saw a police man. He covered the hat with his hand. The police officer came over and asked him what was in the hat. The guy said, "It's a hurt bird." The police officer said, "Let me see the bird." The man said, "I can't if I take my hand away it will fly away." The police officer said, "Let me see the bird." The man said, "I can't if I take my hand away it will fly away." They kept that up for about five minutes. Then the police officer got mad and asked him one more time. "Take your hand away and I will reach in really fast and the bird won't fly away!" The guy said, "Alright." And he slowly removed his hand. The police officer reached in and grabbed a handful of s**t and asked the man, "What is this?" The man replied, "You scared the s**t out of the bird."
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has 80.86 % from 70 votes. More jokes about: cop
The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
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has 53.62 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: car, cop, kids
After a day fishing in the ocean a fisherman is walking from the pier carrying two lobsters in a bucket. He is approached by the Game Warden who asks him for his fishing license. The fisherman says to the warden, "I did not catch these lobsters, they are my pets. Everyday I come done to the water and whistle and these lobster jump out and I take them for a walk only to return them at the end of the day." The warden, not believing him, reminds him that it is illegal to fish without a license. The fisherman turns to the warden and says, "If you don't believe me then watch," as he throws the lobsters back into the water. The warden says, "Now whistle to your lobsters and show me that they will come out of the water." The fisherman turns to the warden and says, "What lobsters?"
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has 71.27 % from 150 votes. More jokes about: animal, cop, dirty, fish
Yo' Mama is so stupid, she reported her stolen crack to the cops.
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has 64.23 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: cop, drug, stupid, Yo mama
A drunk man was smoking drugs while driving. The policeman stop him and says, "Show me you ID?" The drunk man, "What drugs?"
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has 43.90 % from 23 votes. More jokes about: cop, drug, drunk
Q: What did the Alabama Sheriff call the black man who shot himself 15 times? A: The worst suicide case he has ever seen.
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has 42.82 % from 98 votes. More jokes about: black people, cop, death, racist
A driver was pulled over by a police officer for speeding. As the officer was writing the ticket, she noticed several machetes in the car. "What are those for?" she asked suspiciously. "I'm a juggler," the man replied. "I use those in my act.’ "Well, show me," the officer demanded. So he got out the machetes and started juggling them, first three, then more, finally seven at one time, overhand, underhand, behind the back, putting on a dazzling show and amazing the officer. Another car passed by. The driver did a double take, and said, "My God. I've got to give up drinking! Look at the test they're giving now."
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has 80.65 % from 107 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, car, cop, god