Q: What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish?
A: Every morning you'll rise and shine! 
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A younboy gave his mum a big wrapped up birthday present on a Saturday.
She opened it up and it was a tea pot.
She said "What a wonderful tea port darling - thank you."
The boy said "That's good."
Mum said "However I already have a tea pot."
The boy replied "No you haven't - I broke it."
Q: What's the difference between morbid and black humour?
A: Well, black humour is like 10 children in one rubbish bin, whereas morbid humour is like one child in 10 rubbish bins.
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Saying the same thing over and over again but expecting different results is called parenting.
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A six year old comes crying to his Mother because his little sister pulled his hair.
"Don’t be angry," the Mother says, "Your little sister doesn’t realize that pulling hair hurts."
A short while later, there’s more crying, and the Mother goes to investigate.
This time the sister is bawling and her brother says…
"Now she knows."
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room.
When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover.
The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"
A farmer was helping one of his cows give birth when he noticed his four-year-old son standing at the fence with wide eyes, taking in the whole event.
The man thought to himself, "Great, he's four years old and I'm gonna have to start explaining the birds and bees now. No need to jump the gun. I guess I'll let him ask and then I'll answer."
After everything was over, the man walked over to his son and said,
"Well son, do you have any questions?"
"Just one," gasped the wide-eyed lad. "How fast was that calf going when he hit that cow?"
A little girl is in line to see Santa.
When it's her turn, she climbs up on Santa's lap.
Santa asks, "What would you like Santa to bring you for Christmas?"
The little girl replies, "I want a Barbie and a G.I. Joe."
Santa looks at the little girl for a moment and says, "I thought Barbie comes with Ken."
"No," said the little girl.
"She comes with G.I. Joe, she fakes it with Ken."
A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his parents, "How was I born?"
‘Well honey...' said the slightly prudish parent,
"An Angel brought you to us."
"Oh," said the boy.
"Well, how did you and daddy get born?" he asked.
"Oh, the angel brought us too."
"Well how were grandpa and grandma born?" he persisted.
"Well darling, the angel brought them too!" said the parent.
Several days later, the boy handed in his paper to the teacher who read with confusion the opening sentence:
"This report has been very difficult to write because there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations."
Q: Why do mother kangaroos hate rainy days?
A: Because then the children have to play inside.