Joke #1753

Q: What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish? A: Every morning you'll rise and shine!
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has 76.58 % from 575 votes. More jokes about: kids

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A kid is walking down the street with a jar of money and dragging along a dead frog on a string. And he walks into a whorehouse. He sets the jar of money on the counter and proclaims to a woman in the lobby "I want to have sex with the dirtiest, nastiest woman you have here." She glares at him and replies "get outta here. you're too young to be here." The kid retorts, pointing at the jar and says "look, lady- I'm paid. Let me do what I want." She agrees, and points him towards a door down the hall. "Meet Evelynn, she's a veteran." He does the deed and walks out of the room, still zipping up. The lady in the lobby asks him if he realizes the consequences of his actions. He replies, "Yes. I came here hoping for an STD, and I've gotten what I wanted." Confused, she asks him why. He replies, "My mom and dad are on vacation. When I get home, the babysitter is going to have sex with me. That's what she's into. She's going to get an STD. When mom and dad get home, mom will go to the grocery store and dad will have sex with the babysitter. He will have an STD. Once mom gets home, she will have sex with dad and SHE will get an STD. When dad leaves for work in the morning, mom is going to have sex with the Mailman... and HE's the motherfucker who ran over my frog."
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has 81.11 % from 465 votes. More jokes about: kids
"Madam, your son just called me an ugly swine!" The mother apologizes shamefacedly, "I'm so sorry, I must have told him like a thousand times it is wrong to judge people just from how they look..."
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has 74.96 % from 72 votes. More jokes about: insulting, kids, ugly, vulgar
Yo mama so stupid, she went to a garage sale to buy a garage
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has 38.99 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: game, kids
The houseman invited over his boss and partners, for lunch. With them, his little 5year-old daughter was there. "Don’t you want to say the prayers before lunch, so Our Holly Father give us his blessings?," asks the father. "But... I don’t know what to say...," the little girl admits. "Just say what you heard your mommy say last time inside the kitchen!," said her mother to help her. And the girl: "Oh, God! Why in this life, my husband must invite all these people for lunch?"
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has 66.96 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: food, god, husband, kids, life
Three men were talking about their teenage daughters: The first says "I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day and found a packet of cigarettes. I didn't even know she smoked". The second says "That's nothing. I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day when I came across a full bottle of Vodka. I was really shocked as I didn't even know she drank". Then the third speaks up. "Both of you have got nothing to worry about. I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day and I found a packet of condoms. I was really shocked. I didn't even know she had a penis".
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has 71.14 % from 157 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, kids, teen
Maria, a devout Catholic, got married and had 10 children. After her first husband died, she remarried and had 10 more children. A few weeks after her second husband died, Maria also passed away. At Maria's funeral, the priest looked skyward and said, "At last, they're finally together." Her sister sitting in the front row said, "Excuse me, Father, but do you mean she and her first husband, or she and her second husband?" The priest replied, "I mean her legs."
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has 63.40 % from 453 votes. More jokes about: catholic, husband, kids, marriage
*Me when I turn 18* Parents: Do this. Me: Dobby has no master. Dobby is a free elf.
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has 51.70 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: kids
TEACHER: Why would you paint something black? STUDENT: So it runs faster.
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has 14.76 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: kids
While I was working as a store Santa, a boy asked me for an electric train set. "If you get your train," I told him, "your dad is going to want to play with it too. Is that all right?" The boy became very quiet. So, moving the conversation along, I asked, "What else would you like Santa to bring you?" He promptly replied, "Another train."
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has 63.00 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: Christmas, communication, kids, work
Mum,can i dress a bra? No. Why not.I am 14 years old! How many times I will say you "no", Michael...
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has 56.65 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: age, kids