Joke #1753

Q: What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish? A: Every morning you'll rise and shine!
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has 76.28 % from 581 votes. More jokes about: kids

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Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
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has 62.50 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: kids
"Where did you born?" "At the hospital!" "Don’t tell me! And what were you in for?"
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has 30.77 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: hospital, kids
A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his parents, "How was I born?" ‘Well honey...' said the slightly prudish parent, "An Angel brought you to us." "Oh," said the boy. "Well, how did you and daddy get born?" he asked. "Oh, the angel brought us too." "Well how were grandpa and grandma born?" he persisted. "Well darling, the angel brought them too!" said the parent. Several days later, the boy handed in his paper to the teacher who read with confusion the opening sentence: "This report has been very difficult to write because there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations."
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has 81.58 % from 93 votes. More jokes about: family, kids, teacher
Q: What did the lawyer name his daughter? A: Sue. Q: And his son? A: Bill.
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has 69.06 % from 65 votes. More jokes about: family, kids, lawyer, money
Why would I buy a pumpkin at the store for $5 when I can drive 30 miles & pay to make my kids walk through a field to pick our own for $27.
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has 62.50 % from 27 votes. More jokes about: driving, kids, money
There was a baby born in the hospital and he weighed ten pounds. The odd thing about him was his body weighed five pounds and his balls weighed five pounds. All the nurses and even the doctor didn't know what to do with him. Then, the chief surgeon walked in and asked what was wrong. The head nurse replied, ''We don't know what to do with this baby.'' So the chief surgeon took one look and said, "You should put him into a mental institution." ''Why?' asked the head nurse. "Well," replied the chief surgeon, "take a look at him. The boy is obviously half nuts."
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has 48.78 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: kids
Nurse: "If youre going to give grapes to a baby make sure you cut them in half." Me: [visibly confused] Wife: "The grapes, not the baby."
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has 71.09 % from 74 votes. More jokes about: baby, kids, wife
Two tomatoes are trying to pass the street. Suddenly, the one screams to the other: "CAR!" (splash) "WHERE?" (splash)
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has 27.71 % from 15 votes. More jokes about: kids
This Christmas, Santa is sending a message to the naughty children to stop being bad. He stuffing their stocking with Chuck Norris!
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has 33.86 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: Christmas, Chuck Norris, kids, Santa
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.” The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?” The boy takes the quarters and leaves. “What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!” Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. “Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?” The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!”
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has 81.78 % from 654 votes. More jokes about: kids