What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business?
1) No mind.
2) No business.
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Did you hear about the man who spent too much of his company's money on Viagra?
Now he's hard up.
A woman’s husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day.
When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.
As she sat by him, he said, “You know what?
You have been with me all through the bad times.
When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there.
When I got shot, you were by my side.
When we lost the house, you gave me support.
When my health started failing, you were still by my side… You know what?”
“What dear?” She asked gently.
“I think you bring me bad luck.”
CEO frequently overheard mumbling, "Eeny, meeny, miney, moe."
Windows XP shutdown screen reads, "It is Now Safe to Start Looking for Work."
Company softball team downsized to chess team.
Company president now driving a Hyundai.
Giant yard sale in front of corporate headquarters.
A businessman was interviewing job applications for the position of manager of a large division.
He quickly devised a test for choosing the most suitable candidate.
He simply asked each applicant this question, "What is two plus two?"
The first interviewee was a journalist.
His answer was, "Twenty-two".
The second was a social worker.
She said, "I don't know the answer but I'm very glad that we had the opportunity to discuss it."
The third applicant was an engineer.
He pulled out a slide rule and came up with an answer "somewhere between 3.999 and 4.001."
Next came an attorney.
He stated that "in the case of Jenkins vs. the Department of the Treasury, two plus two was proven to be four."
Finally, the businessman interviewed an accountant.
When he asked him what two plus two was, the accountant got up from his chair, went over to the door, closed it, came back and sat down.
Leaning across the desk, he said in a low voice, "How much do you want it to be?"
He got the job.
Vote:
What is that insensitive bit at the base of the penis called?
The man.
A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then he asks the bartender to prepare another double martini.
After he finishes that one, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and asks the bartender to bring another double martini.
The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis all Night long.
But you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill."
The man replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife.
When she starts to look good, then I know it's time to go home."
Three men were walking along in the forest when they were captured by a group of cannibals.
The king of the cannibals gives the three men a challenge "If you complete this challenge, you will go free, if not we will eat you."
The three men, not wanting to die, agree to hear the challenge.
"You most go in to the forest and pick out 10 of any fruit you find, bring those fruits back here" the king says.
The three men head out in search of their fruit.
The first man comes back with 10 apples in his hands, happy as can be.
The king then says "You must shove those 10 apples up your butt without making a sound."
The man reluctantly agrees to try.
He gets the first one up without a sound, but screams in agony on the second and is killed and eaten.
The second man comes back with 10 grapes in his hand.
Again the king states the challenge.
The 10 fruit up the ass, without any sound.
This is going to be easy he thinks.
He gets through the first 9 without a single sound.
Just as he is about to shove the 10th grape up he bursts out in laughter.
He is killed immediately.
The second guy still laughing meets the first guy up in heaven.
The first guy says, "What's so funny? You could have still been alive!"
He replies "I saw our buddy coming back with 10 pineapples and a huge smile."
Q: The male sex has two hobbies. What are they?
A: His left hand and his right hand.
Vote:
Q: Why aren't Pakistani good at Football?
A: Because every time they get a Corner, they open a shop.