Joke #5418

Q:What’s the difference between Ross Perot and Barack Obama? A:Ross Perot is crackpot with big ears and Barack Obama is a pothead with big ears.

Men are like.....Popcorn. They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.

Sex is when a guys communication, enters a girls information, to increase the population, for a younger generation, do you get the information... or do you need a demonstration.

Hi, I see that you're new to this gym, and I wanna be the first male to bother you.

Q: Why did they make glow in the dark condoms? A: So gay guys can play star wars.

If men got pregnant.... abortion would be available in convenience stores and drive-through windows.

My wife was dying. I was by her bedside. She said in a tired voice, "Theres something I must confess." "Shhh" I said, "theres nothing to confess. Everythings alright." "No I must die in peace. I had s*x with your brother, your best friend, his best friend and your father!" "I know," I whispered "Thats why i posion you, now close your eyes!"

Q: How many men does it take to put down a toilet seat? A: Who knows it's never been done.

John asks his wife, Mary, what she wants to celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary. “Would you like a new Mink Coat?” he asks. “Not really,” says Mary. “Well how about a new Mercedes sports car?” says John. “No,” she responds. “What about a new vacation home in the country?” he suggests. She again rejects his offer with a, “No thanks.” Frustrated he finally asks, “Well what would you like for your anniversary?” “John, I’d like a divorce,” answers Mary. John thinks for a moment and replies “Sorry dear, I wasn’t planning to spend that much.”

I was sitting in the waiting room of the hospital after my wife had gone into labour and the nurse walked out and said to the man sitting next to me, "Congratulations sir, you’re the new father of twins!" The man replied, "How about that, I work for the Doublemint Chewing Gum Company." The man then followed the woman to his wife’s room. About an hour later, the same nurse entered the waiting room and announced that Mr. Smith’s wife has just had triplets. Mr. Smith stood up and said, "Well, how do ya like that, I work for the 3M Company." The gentleman that was sitting next to me then got up and started to leave. When I asked him why he was leaving, he remarked, "I think I need a breath of fresh air." The man continued, "I work for 7-UP."