fi yuo cna raed tihs whit no porlbem, yuo aer smrat. Shaer ti whit yuor fienrds.
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Q: How did the medical community come up with the term "PMS"?
A: "Mad Cow Disease" was already taken.
A man went to visit his doctor.
“Doc, my arm hurts bad. Can you check it out please?” the man pleads.
The doctor rolls up the man’s sleeve and suddenly hears the arm talk.
“Hello, Doctor, says the arm. “Could you lend me twenty bucks please? I’m desperate!”
“Aha!" says the doctor, "I see the problem. Your arm is broke!”
An old man goes to his doctor.
The doctor says "I got some bad news for you. you have Cancer and you have Alzheimer's."
And the old man says "At least I don't have Cancer."
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Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I didn’t have.
In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.
I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.
I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.
I told the police I was not injured, but on removing my hat I found that I had a fractured skull.
I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law, and headed over the embankment.
Deciding to take up jogging, the middle-aged man was astounded by the wide selection of jogging shoes available at the local sports shoe store.
While trying on a basic pair of jogging shoe, he noticed a minor feature and asked the clerk about it.
“What’s this little pocket thing here on the side for?”
“Oh, that’s to carry spare change so you can call your wife to come pick you up when you’ve jogged too far.”
Q: How can you tell you have a really bad case of acne?
A: It's when the blind try to read your face.
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Teacher: "If you bought 8 hotdogs,9 cheese burgers and 7 fillet o fishes and you ate 8 hotdogs 9 cheese burger and 7 fillet o fish what do you have at the end?"
Little Johnny: "A bad blatter issue."
When Chuck Norris has a heart attack, he attacks back.
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What do you do for exercise?
I lift weights.
What do you do for cardio?
I lift weights faster.
What does a blind, deaf, quadriplegic baby can get for Christmas ?
Cancer.
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