fi yuo cna raed tihs whit no porlbem, yuo aer smrat. Shaer ti whit yuor fienrds.
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Two friends run into each other while walking their dogs.
One suggests lunch. The other says, "They won't let us in a restaurant with pets."
Undeterred, the first guy and his German shepherd head into the restaurant.
The maître d' stops them, saying, "Sir, you can't bring your dog in here."
"But I'm blind," the man replies, "and this is my guide dog."
The maître d', apologizing profusely, shows both man and dog to a table.
His friend waits five minutes, then tries the same routine.
"You have a Chihuahua for a guide dog?" the skeptical maître d' says.
"A Chihuahua?" the man says. "Is that what they gave me?"
Breaking news: A man was admitted to the hospital today with 23 plastic toy horses inserted in his rectum.
Doctors have described his condition as stable.
Deciding to take up jogging, the middle-aged man was astounded by the wide selection of jogging shoes available at the local sports shoe store.
While trying on a basic pair of jogging shoe, he noticed a minor feature and asked the clerk about it.
“What’s this little pocket thing here on the side for?”
“Oh, that’s to carry spare change so you can call your wife to come pick you up when you’ve jogged too far.”
Yo' Mama is so stanky, she gets sourdough yeast infections.
The newest therapy for healing the states of depression is so-called decapitation.
It costs only 100 dollars but 50 dollars pays the health insurance company.
The operation will be made only once and you will never feel depressive.
I had also luck and I also gave an order to this kind of therapy.
I wish well to myself.
I've been taking Viagra for my sunburn.
It doesn't cure it but it keeps the bed sheets off my legs at night.
Q: What do you call a family full of cancer patients?
A: Jason Voorhees' relatives.
Q: Why is it that so many lawyers have broken noses?
A: From chasing parked ambulances.
Doctor: "You look much worse than you did last week! I said you should smoke a maximum of five cigarettes a day!"
Patient: "And that's what I did. And it wasn't easy because up until now I didn't smoke at all!"
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Doctor: "Sir, I have some bad news; you have been diagnosed with cancer and Alzheimers."
Old man: "Well, at least I don't have cancer!"
Vote: