Chuck Norris never suffers from a heart attack. His heart is too smart to not attack him.
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Chuck Norris was once tested for steroids. The results came back positive. When confronted with this information, Chuck Norris chuckled and said, "Of course, what do you think they make steroids from?"
If you carefully examine your health insurance policy, you will see that there is no cover for "Chuck Norris related incidents".
A few guys tried to follow Chuck Norris during a light workout while he was vacationing in Hawaii. It's now called the Ironman Triathlon.
Chuck Norris once caught AIDS... but then he let it go.
Chuck Norris' pulse-rate is measured on the Richter Scale.
The Total Gym uses Chuck Norris to stay in shape.
Chuck Norris once caught a cold, then he killed it!
If Chuck Norris had to he could give CPR to himself.