Joke #1883

Q: What can a goose do that a duck can't do and a lawyer should do? A: Stick his bill up his ass.
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has 45.52 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: duck, lawyer

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A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Alberta. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence.  As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it."  The old farmer Peter replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here." The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial lawyers in Canada and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own." The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we settle disputes in Alberta. We settle small disagreements like this with the 'Three Kick Rule.' The lawyer asked, "What is the 'Three Kick Rule'?" The Farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, I get to go first. I kick you three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone gives up."  The lawyer quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.  The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel-toed work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees! His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal gushing from his mouth. The lawyer was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear end, sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie.  Summoning every bit of his will and remaining strength the lawyer very slowly managed to get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, "Okay, you old fart. Now it's my turn."  The old farmer smiled and said, "Nah, I give up. You can have the duck."
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has 84.79 % from 594 votes. More jokes about: animal, car, duck, hunting, lawyer
A duck, a pigeon, and a chicken all walk into a courtroom... The judge asked the duck, "What is your crime?" The duck responds, "I was blowing bubbles in front of City Hall." The judge says, "There's no crime committed here, you're free to go." The judge then asks the pigeon, "What is your crime?" The pigeon responds, "I was also blowing bubbles in front of City Hall." The judge looks a little confused but finally says, "There's no crime committed here, you're also free to go." Lastly, the chicken walks up to the judge, and the judge asks, "What is your crime?" The chicken, first looking back at the pigeon and the duck, then turning to the judge says, "I'm bubbles."
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has 80.60 % from 155 votes. More jokes about: animal, bird, dirty, duck, sex
Why God did made the snake before lawyers? To exercise.
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has 18.30 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: animal, god, lawyer
Q: What do you get if you cross a duck with a firework? A: A firequaker!
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has 53.57 % from 66 votes. More jokes about: bird, duck
A: What's the difference between a lawyer and an undertaker? B: A Lawyer doesn't mind getting his hands dirty while burying his victims.
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has 74.43 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
Yo momma is so poor the ducks throw bread at her.
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has 45.52 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: duck, money, Yo mama
Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin are having dinner. Trump orders a steak, and Putin orders the roast duck. The waiter, however, gets their plates mixed up. Trump does not wait, but rather just starts digging in. "Wow," Putin says. "Your hands make my duck look bigger."
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has 40.67 % from 35 votes. More jokes about: communication, duck, food, political
If the sea was weed and i was a duck i'd swim my way down and smoke my way up, but the sea ain't weed and i'm not a duck so pass me the bong and shut the fuck up
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has 55.38 % from 138 votes. More jokes about: dirty, drug, duck, weed
A lawyer was well into a lengthy cross-examination of a witness, stopped and said: "I object, Your Honor! One of the jurors is asleep." The Judge ruled: "You put him to sleep… You wake him up."
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has 74.94 % from 32 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
A lawyer is paid £950 in new bills but, on counting the money, he discovers that two notes have stuck together and he’s been overpaid by £50. This leaves him with an ethical dilemma – should he tell his partner?
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has 62.22 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: lawyer