What do you call 5,000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A good start.
Did you hear that the Post Office had to recall its series of stamps depicting famous lawyers? People were confused about which side to spit
Two attorneys were walking out of a bar and a beautiful young lady walks by. One attorney turns to his associate and comments "Boy, I would like to fuck her! The other attorney thinks for a second and said "Out of what"?
A Preacher and a lawyer both go to heaven at the same time and the Preacher receives his gifts that he had expected and he sees that the lawyer gets this big house and pool. The Peacher asked God: "Why is it that I get the things I've wanted, but the lawyer gets all that?" God Replied: "He is the first lawyer to make it into Heaven."
How come the lawyer got underground only by his neck? It was not enough sand...
Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road? A: There are skid marks in front of the dog.
Lawyer: ‘Now that you have been acquitted, will you tell me truly? Did you steal the car?’ Client: ‘After hearing you in court, I’m beginning to think I didn’t.’
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a terrorist? A: Terrorists have sympathisers.
Q: Why are lawyers never attacked by sharks? A: Professional courtesy.
A plumber went to the attorneys house to unstop the sink. When he finished he said to the attorney "that will be $400.00." The attorney became irate "What do you mean $400.00, you were only here 20 minutes, that's ridiculous!!" The plumber replied, "I thought the same thing when I was an attorney".
If a lawyer and a tax official were both drowning and you could only save one of them, what would you do; go to lunch or read the paper?