Q: What is the ideal weight of a lawyer?
A: About three pounds, including the urn.
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I once meet a honest, caring, politician that listened when I spoke and tried to help the country.
Then I woke up.
If a lawyer and a tax official were both drowning and you could only save one of them, what would you do; go to lunch or read the paper?
A jury consists of twelve people chosen to decide who has the best lawyer.
Q: What's the difference between a dead skunk lying in the road and a dead lawyer lying in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
Q: What is the ideal weight of a lawyer?
A: About three pounds, including the urn.
A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box office.
Suddenly, he feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back, and neck.
The lawyer turns around.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?"
"I'm a chiropractor, and I'm just keeping in practice while I'm waiting in line."
"Well, I'm a lawyer, but you don't see me screwing the guy in front of me, do you?"
Q: How many divorce attorneys does it take to change a light bulb?
A: It only takes one divorce attorney to change your light bulb to his light bulb.
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
"Professional courtesy."
Did you hear that the Post Office had to recall its series of stamps depicting famous lawyers?
People were confused about which side to spit