A lawyer's car stalled on the side of the freeway.
As he was getting out to see what was the matter, a reckless driver swerved taking off the whole car door and knocking the lawyer to the ground.
A passing police car pulled over.
As the policeman got out he heard the lawyer shouting, 'my mercedes, my brand new mercedes!"
As the policeman approached he was shocked to notice the lawyer's right arm missing.
''Do you realize your arm is gone?'' asked the policeman?
The lawyer, stunned, began to scream,
"My rolex, my brand new rolex!"
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Why don’t lawyers enjoy fishing?
Because it’s too much like work, what with all the lying involved.
A young attorney who had taken over his father’s practice rushed home elated one night.
“Dad, listen,” he shouted, “I’ve finally settled that old McKinney suit.”
“Settled it!” cried his astonished father. “Why, you idiot! We have been living off of that money for five years!”
Terrorists have hijacked a planeload of lawyers bound for a legal convention.
They’ve threatened to start releasing the lawyers one by one until their demands are met.
Chuck Norris was once charged with three attempted murders in Boulder County, but the Judge quickly dropped the charges because Chuck Norris does not "attempt" murder.
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What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50?
Your Honour.
Q: Why have scientists started using lawyers for experiments instead of rats?
A: They don't become so attached to the lawyers.
How come the lawyer got underground only by his neck?
It was not enough sand...
Did you hear what the blonde who was opening a new bar said when her lawyer explained to her that she needed a liquor license?
"Oh, it's not gonna be THAT kind of a bar. That's disgusting!"
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Why is it that if you give a child an encyclopedia, lawyer is always the third thing they look up?
Because the first thing a child looks up is dog.
The second is snake.
And under snake, the encyclopedia says See Lawyer.