One day a mom was cleaning junior's room and in the closet she found a bondage S&M magazine. This was highly upsetting for her. She hid the magazine until his father got home and showed it to him. He looked at it and handed it back to her without a word. She finally asked him, "Well what should we do about this?" Dad looked at her and said, "Well I don't think you should spank him."
Should women have children after 35? "No, 35 children are enough!"
Did you hear about the new Exorcist Movie? They got the Devil to come in to take the Priest out of the child.
Teacher: What's 2 and 2? Pupil: 4 Teacher: That's good. Pupil: Good? That's perfect!
Q: Why doesn't Smokey the bear have any kids? A: Because every time his wife gets hot, he covers her with dirt and beats her with a shovel.
Yo' Mama is so stupid, she gave your kids a "Yo' Grandmama Is So Stupid" joke book.
Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
A local charity organization realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. "Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?" The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?" Embarrassed, the donation seeker mumbled, "Um ... no." The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?" The person coming for donation began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again. "or that my sister`s husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer`s voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!" The person who came asking for donation felt completely humiliated and said simply, "I had no idea..." On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don`t give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"
Q:How does a bear start a race? A: READY, TEDDY, GO!
Four year-old Harry, who could tell time, was playing with a wall clock when her grandpa visited. Later, when he was putting on his coat to leave, the grandpa asked him what time it was. He looked at the clock blankly, and then answered in a triumphant way, "It's time for you to go, grandpa!"
How do Chinese people name their kids? Throw a spoon down the stairs. CHING CHANG CHONG TING.