Joke #2958

Q:How does a bear start a race? A: READY, TEDDY, GO!
Vote: has 28.62 % from 31 votes. Send joke:
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Nurse: "If youre going to give grapes to a baby make sure you cut them in half." Me: [visibly confused] Wife: "The grapes, not the baby."
Vote: has 77.37 % from 53 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: baby, kids, wife
Q: What do you call cheese that's not yours? A: Nacho cheese!;)
Vote: has 51.72 % from 93 votes. Send joke:
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My wife and I have reached a decision that we do not want children. If anybody does please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
Vote: has 84.76 % from 89 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black humor, kids, marriage
Having past almost 30 years, the same question still bothers him… Why he does not look alike his brothers and parents at all - every single one pretty and he so ugly. He summoned all his courage and decided to ask his mother: "Mom, tell me the truth please, I am adapted, aren’t I?" The mother burst into tears and said: "Yes, my child! But it didn’t work, they returned you back!"
Vote: has 55.34 % from 22 votes. Send joke:
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Kangaroo 911: "What's your emergency?" Kangaroo: "I can't find my children" Kangaroo 911: "Did you check your pockets?" Kangaroo: "Oh nevermind."
Vote: has 56.05 % from 28 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, customer service, kids
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.” The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?” The boy takes the quarters and leaves. “What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!” Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. “Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?” The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!”
Vote: has 37.36 % from 31 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: food, kids, money
Accountant after reading a nursery rhyme to his child,"No, son. It wouldn't be tax deductible when Little Bo Peep loses her sheep. But I like your thinking."
Vote: has 75.27 % from 27 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: accountant, animal, kids, tax
If you need to break up with somebody, the best place to do so is McDonalds. There are no plates or glasses to be broken over your head, no sharp knives or spiky forks, plus you can always hide behind a fat kid.
Vote: has 77.36 % from 64 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: business, fat, food, kids, relationship
Teacher: What happened in 1869? Student: Mahatma Gandhi was born. Teacher: What happened in 1873? Student: Gandhi was four years old
Vote: has 65.19 % from 33 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: kids, student, teacher, time
When I was younger I used to think having sex was kissing naked. One day after showering my dog came in the restroom, so I kissed him on the head, after realizing what I did I ran downstairs, and told my mom that I had sex with the dog, you can image her face after hearing this. Yep I was a very dumb child.
Vote: has 78.02 % from 555 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: dirty, dog, kids, sex