How do teddy bears keep their den cool in summer?
(They use bear conditioning!)
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A man and his wife agreed on a code to use in front of their kids when they want to have s*x.
The code is: "Making a call."
One day the man ask his son to tell his mother, that dad wants to make a phone call.
The boy returns to his dad, that mom says she is out of order.
Then he ask him to tell her, that dad will go outside to make a phone call.
The boy returns, that mom says, "If you do so, she will open a central telephone station in the house."
When Chuck Norris wants to burn calories, he throws fat kids into a camp fire.
Vote:
TEACHER: Why would you paint something black?
STUDENT: So it runs faster.
It's Halloween and when the man answers his door, there's a well-dressed young boy there wearing a suit and matching tie, who says "Trick or treat".
The man's a bit confused so he asks the boy what he's dressed up as.
"I'm an IRS agent", says the boy, and with that, he snatches 40% of the candy, and leaves without saying thank you.
Q: What did the lawyer name his daughter?
A: Sue.
Q: And his son?
A: Bill.
What did the green grape say to the purple grape?
Breath!!!!
Q: Where does your nose go, when it gets hungry?
A: Booger King!!!
A three year old little boy was examining his testicles while he was bathing.
"Mom", he asked, "is that my brain?"
"Not yet", she answered.
What is the hardest part of making shoe fly pie?
Putting the shoes on the flies!
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him.
She says hello.
He’s rather taken aback because he can’t place where he knows her from.
So he says, "Do you know me?"
To which she replies, "I think you’re the father of one of my kids."
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor
party that I made love to on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery?"
She looks into his eyes and says calmly, "No, I’m your son’s teacher."