Joke #2015

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other man pulls out his phone and calls emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator in a calm, soothing voice replies: "Take it easy. I can help. First, we have to be sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the hunter says, "Ok, now what?"
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has 54.15 % from 24 votes. More jokes about: death, hunting, phone

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Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"
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has 85.38 % from 1638 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, phone
A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss, concerned about his employee's well being, asks sympathetically, "What's the matter?" The blonde replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away." "I'm terribly sorry to hear that. Why don't you go home for the day... we aren't terribly busy. Just take the day off to relax and rest." The blonde very calmly explains, "No, I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here." The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual. "If you need anything, just let me know," he says. A few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out over his office and sees the blonde crying hysterically. He rushes out to her, and asks, "Are you going to be okay? Is there anything I can do to help?" "No," re plies the blonde, "I just got a call from my sister, and she said that HER mom died too!"
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has 83.08 % from 158 votes. More jokes about: blonde, death, phone, work
A deer hunter asked his Pastor if it was a sin to hunt on Sunday. "From what I hear about your aim," said the Pastor, "It's a sin for you to hunt anytime."
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has 81.21 % from 29 votes. More jokes about: death, hunting, priest, religious, time
Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11... a suicide.
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has 75.25 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, cop, death, phone
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
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has 73.56 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, hunting
There is nothing fun about a funeral, but despite that, I had a good laugh at the following reaction by my two children. We, along with a bunch of other relatives, were following the hearse of my late great aunt. When my daughter, who always tends to focus on the morbid things in life raised the dreaded question, "Dad, what's going to happen to us when you die?" My son who was busy texting one of his friends at the time barely glanced up from his phone. "We'll go in the limousine dummy."
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has 73.44 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: death, family, funeral, kids, phone
Chuck Norris was about to die... until the Grim Reaper phoned in sick.
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has 68.50 % from 60 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death, phone
Chuck Norris doesn't bug hunt as that signifies a probability of failure, he goes bug killing.
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has 67.88 % from 20 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, death, hunting
Two hunters were dragging their dead deer back to their car. Another hunter approached pulling his along too. "Hey, I don’t want to tell you how to do something… but I can tell you that it’s much easier if you drag the deer in the other direction. Then the antlers won’t dig into the ground." After the third hunter left, the two decided to try it. A little while later one hunter said to the other, "You know, that guy was right. This is a lot easier!" "Yeah, but we’re getting farther from the truck," the other added.
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has 65.80 % from 30 votes. More jokes about: animal, death, hunting, life
Phone a friend and tell them you're a doctor, and you're very, very sorry, but you did everything you could to save their... then pretend that the connection dropped out. Wait a couple beats, then give your deepest condolences. Then hang up.
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has 62.61 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: death, doctor, health, phone