Joke #8199

Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11... a suicide.
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has 75.25 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, cop, death, phone

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A mature (over 40) lady gets pulled over for speeding... Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer? Officer : Ma'am, you were speeding. Older Woman: Oh, I see. Officer : Can I see your license please? Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one. Officer : Don't have one? Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving. Officer : I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please. Older Woman: I can't do that. Officer : Why not? Older Woman: I stole this car. Officer : Stole it? Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner. Officer : You what? Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see. The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun. Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle. Older woman: Is there a problem sir? Officer2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner. Older Woman: Murdered the owner? Officer2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please. The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk. Officer2: Is this your car, ma'am? Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned. Officer2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license. The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled. Officer2 : Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner. Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.
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has 85.96 % from 1684 votes. More jokes about: age, cop, death, driving, women
Three highly decorated police officers die in a wild shoot out with narcotics dealers and go to heaven. God greets them and asks, "When you are laid out in your casket, and your fellow officers and family are mourning you, what would you like to hear them say about you? The first cop says, "I would like to hear them say, that I was the bravest cop on the force." The second police officer says, "I would like to hear that I was a terrific cop who died in the line of duty." The last cop replies, "I would like to hear them say ... Look, He's Moving!"
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has 85.81 % from 214 votes. More jokes about: cop, death, family, god, heaven
Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet.
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has 85.55 % from 1810 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris. After 5 days of extreme pain... the snake died.
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has 85.45 % from 681 votes. More jokes about: animal, Chuck Norris, death, time
A cop once pulled Chuck Norris over...Luckily, the cop left only with a warning.
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has 85.44 % from 546 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, cop
Chuck Norris doesn't dial the wrong number, you pick up the wrong phone
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has 85.42 % from 1179 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, phone
Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 50 people, then it exploded.
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has 85.34 % from 1382 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"
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has 85.34 % from 1640 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, phone
An elderly couple was just settled down for bed when the old man realized he left the lights on in the greenhouse in the back yard. Then they heard voices. Three men had broken into the greenhouse. Scared, they called the police. The dispatcher replied, he would send an officer as soon as one became available as they were all out on calls. The old man waited for a few minutes and called Dispatch again. He told Dispatch, "Don't worry about sending an officer, I shot the robbers and now the dogs are eating their bodies!" In no time at all, police were all over the place and captured the robbers red-handed! One of the cops asked the old man, "I thought you said you shot the robber and your dogs were eating them. " The old man replied, "I thought you said, there weren't any officers available."
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has 85.15 % from 798 votes. More jokes about: animal, cop, death, time
When the President pushes the big red button, Chuck Norris's cell phone rings.
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has 84.77 % from 876 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, phone, political