Joke #9342

Chuck Norris was about to die... until the Grim Reaper phoned in sick.
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Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris. After 5 days of extreme pain... the snake died.
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Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 50 people, then it exploded.
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Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet.
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Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"
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Death once had a near Chuck Norris experience.
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Chuck Norris doesn't dial the wrong number, you pick up the wrong phone
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When the President pushes the big red button, Chuck Norris's cell phone rings.
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Chuck Norris was once shot. The bullet died.
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A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss, concerned about his employee's well being, asks sympathetically, "What's the matter?" The blonde replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away." "I'm terribly sorry to hear that. Why don't you go home for the day... we aren't terribly busy. Just take the day off to relax and rest." The blonde very calmly explains, "No, I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here." The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual. "If you need anything, just let me know," he says. A few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out over his office and sees the blonde crying hysterically. He rushes out to her, and asks, "Are you going to be okay? Is there anything I can do to help?" "No," re plies the blonde, "I just got a call from my sister, and she said that HER mom died too!"
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You might kill two birds with one stone, but Chuck Norris kills two stones with one bird.
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