Chuck Norris was about to die... until the Grim Reaper phoned in sick.
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"
Chuck Norris doesn't dial the wrong number, you pick up the wrong phone
Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet.
Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 50 people, then it exploded.
When the President pushes the big red button, Chuck Norris's cell phone rings.
Death once had a near Chuck Norris experience.
A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss, concerned about his employee's well being, asks sympathetically, "What's the matter?" The blonde replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away." "I'm terribly sorry to hear that. Why don't you go home for the day... we aren't terribly busy. Just take the day off to relax and rest." The blonde very calmly explains, "No, I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here." The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual. "If you need anything, just let me know," he says. A few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out over his office and sees the blonde crying hysterically. He rushes out to her, and asks, "Are you going to be okay? Is there anything I can do to help?" "No," re plies the blonde, "I just got a call from my sister, and she said that HER mom died too!"
The best part of waking up is not the Folgers in your cup, it's knowing that Chuck Norris didn't kill you in your sleep.
Chuck Norris was once shot. The bullet died.
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself