Q: What's the difference between an in-law and an outlaw?
A: Outlaws are wanted.
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I tried to sue the airport for losing my luggage.
I lost my case.
At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness. “Isn’t it true,” he bellowed, “that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?”
The witness stared out the window, as though he hadn’t heard the question.
“Isn’t it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?” the lawyer repeated.
The witness still did not respond.
Finally, the judge leaned over and said, “Sir, please answer the question.”
“Oh,” the startled witness said, “I thought he was talking to you.”
What’s black and tan and looks great on a lawyer?
A Dobermann pinscher.
The boss speaking with the secretary:
Who told you that, if I kissed you a couple of time, you have the right to laze all day long?
My lawyer.
Why do bankruptcy lawyers expect to be paid?
Q:How can you tell the difference between an attorney lying dead in the road and a coyote lying dead in the road?
A:With the coyote, you usually see skid marks.
A pick pocket was up in court for a series of petty crimes.
The judge said "Mr. Banks you are hereby fined $100."
The lawyer stood up and said "Thanks, my lord, however my client only has $75 on him at this time, but if you'd allow him a few minutes in the crowd. . ."
How are a lawyer and a prostitute different?
The prostitute stops fucking you after you’re dead.
Vote:
A Harvard and Yale Law grad met in a washroom during a law convention.
The Harvard graduate said, "Didn't they teach you to wash your hands at Yale?"
The Yale grad responded, "They taught us not to piss on our hands."