How do you stop a lawyer from drowning?
Shoot him before he hits the water.
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What is the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
The vampire sucks you’re blood only at midnight!
A jury consists of twelve people chosen to decide who has the best lawyer.
What’s the difference between two lawyers in a Porsche and a porcupine?
The porcupine has pricks on the outside.
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them.
He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.
His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing.
The man says "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'"
"But why?" asks the man.
"I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.
Vote:
A lawyer trying to get tickets to a Broadway show, finally settled for a couple of seats a year in advance.
When the exciting night arrived and he sat down in his seat, a woman in front of the lawyer noticed the empty seat next to him and asked why such a valuable commodity was unused.
The lawyer replied that his wife couldn't make it.
The woman asked him if he didn't have relatives or friends who could have used the seat.
He replied, "Oh, they're all at the funeral."
Q: How many corporate attorneys does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Who knows, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
Vote:
Why don’t you see lawyers on the beach?
Cats keep covering them with sand.
Q: And do you have a lock on your locker?
A: Yes sir.
Lawyer’s creed – a man is innocent until proven broke.